On the Verge of Falling Apart
by twenty3
Summary: How Grave Danger would have ended if I had it my way. NickWarrick friendship. Rated M for language and to be safe. Complete.
1. Not Giving Up

**Disclaimer - I don't own anything to do with CSI.**

**I pretty much hated the way the writers ended Grave Danger, so this is what I would have had happened if I could do whatever I wanted.**

**On the Verge of Falling Apart**

Warrick's hands were shaking. Badly. He balled them into fists to get it to stop, but it was no use. Catherhine was rubbing small cirles on his back trying to calm him down. "We got him Warrick. He's safe, he's gonna be okay." Warrick just closed his eyes and let his head fall into his shaking hands. He didn't know how long Nick had been in the emergency room, but it seemed like way too long. He kept playing over worst case scenerio's in his head. _He's gonna have a bad allergic reaction to the ant bites and his heart's gonna fail...Fuck...Don't think like that. He's gonna be fine. Everything's gonna be okay._

"Are you Warrick Brown?" Neither Warrick nor Catherine had noticed the doctor had come up to them.

"Uhh...Yeah, that's me."

"I'm Dr. Strasser. You're listed as Mr.Stokes' primary contact in case of a medical emergency, and before he went under he told us you were here." Warrick just nodded so the doctor continued. "He's had a severe allergic reaction to the ant bites..." _There ya go. He's dead. You didn't save him in time._ "But he's going to be okay. We've given him medication for the bites and otherwise he's fine. He's sleeping right now, but if you promise not to disturb him and let him rest you can wait with him until he wakes up." Warrick just nodded and he followed Catherine and Dr. Strasser to Nick's room. Catherine and the doctor were talking about something, but he wasn't listening. He was staring at Nick through the window on the door. He looked so different. His skin was covered with lotion for the bites and his face was extremely pale. He couldn't get the image of Nick holding the gun to his head out of his mind. Catherine's cell phone ringing loudly snapped him back into reality.

"He's gonna be fine, he's sleeping right now...okay...yeah, no problem...alright, bye." Catherine turned around so she was facing Warrick. "That was Grissom. He needs one of us back at the lab to process all the evidence from the nursery that's coming in. Everyone else is out there...You stay here with Nick, I'll go back. Call me if you get to talk to him."

"Thanks Cath." She gently squeezed his arm before leaving. Warrick stood outside of Nick's room for a few more minutes. Everytime he looked up at Nick he had the gun under his chin. Warrick rubbed his eyes. _It's over, he's safe. He's alive. Go in there, he needs you to be there for him._ He took a deep breath and went in. He silently closed the door behind him. He moved the chair from the corner of the room to the left side of Nick's bed. He carefully slid his right hand into Nick's left and wiped the sweat from his best friend's forehead. Warrick wasn't sure how long he had been sitting there before Nick started having a nightmare.

"Help me...please let me out...I'm sorry...please..."

Tears started falling from Warrick's eyes. He gently shook Nick's should to wake him up, but it wasn't working. "Come on bro. Wake up, it's just a dream. Wake up Nick." He moved and sat on the edge of Nick's bed and shook his shoulder a little harder. "It's not real Nick. You can wake up, you're safe. Wake up Nicky." Nick's eyes shot open and he bolted upright and wrapped his right arm around Warrick's neck and squeezed his hand as hard as he could. He was shaking with uncontrolable sobs. Warrick used his free hand to rub Nick's back to try and get him to calm down. When that didn't work, he gently ran his hand back and forth through Nick's hair. "It's okay Nicky. You're safe. It was just a dream. Everything's okay."

Nick took a couple deep breaths to get his breathing under control. His sobs stopped, but the tears didn't. "It seemed so real Warrick. I could feel the fucking ants...I couldn't breath...and I kept hearing him telling me I was gonna die..." Nick's voice broke and he buried his head against Warrick's shoulder.

"Shhh...I know...I know...It's okay Nicky. You're okay. I'm not gonna let anyone hurt you again." Warrick couldn't hold the tears back. Everyone had kept telling him it wasn't his fault Nick had been kidnapped. But if it wasn't his fault, why did he feel so responsible?

"I can't do this Warrick. I'm too scared...I don't wanna be scared. I want it all to just go away...make it go away...please..."

Warrick closed his eyes and pulled Nick tighter. "You can do this. Don't you dare give up on me Nicky. I'm not letting you give up. I wish I could make it go away but I can't...but I can make it better. It's gonna get better, I promise." Nick's arm slipped from around Warrick's neck and he let Nick fall back down onto the bed, but he never let go of his hand. Warrick wiped away the tears from Nick's cheeks and gently squeezed his hand and gave him what he hoped was a comforting smile.

"I almost did it. I almost killed myself down there." Nick said so quietly Warrick wasn't sure he had even said it until he continued, a little louder. "It hurt so much. I was so scared...and I knew I could make it all just stop...I was gonna do it..."

"I don't believe that for a second."

"I should have done it."

"Don't you ever say that again Nicky. You're too strong to give up. You made it through hell and back. You never quit, don't start now. You can't give up on me."

"That's why I didn't do it."

"What is?"

"Because I saw you." Nick's eyes met Warrick's. "I couldn't find a reason not to pull the trigger...I'd rather die that way then suffocate. Then I saw the dirt being brushed away but I thought I was imagining it so I closed my eyes again. Then I heard your voice, and when I opened my eyes you were right there. I don't care what you or anyone else says...but if it were anyone else that was on the other side, I still would have given up. I would have pulled the god damn trigger. I can give up on myself, I can even give up on them. I just can't give up on you...cuz you never gave up on me."

"Nick...if you had pulled that trigger, I would have handed in my badge right there. Loosing you would have been way too much for me. You can't give up now. You've made it this far. I wouldn't have made it as far as you. Hell, no one else could have. You're the strongest person I've ever known. If anyone can do this, it's you Nicky." Nick smiled weakly, but it was a real smile. He closed his eyes and sighed before opening them again.

"Do you have any plans tonight?" he asked.

"Yeah. I'm staying right here with you bro." Nick smiled again, wider.

"Thanks. Don't let me fall asleep, okay?"

"You need to rest or you won't feel any better. But if you're having a nightmare, I promise I'll wake you up. I'm not going anywhere, you're safe." Nick nodded and closed his eyes. Warrick sighed and got out his cell and called Cath. "He was awake for a little while after a nightmare...he's sleeping now. I'm staying here with him until he can leave."

"Okay, Grissom said he expected as much. Next time he wakes up, tell him we all say hi and hope he feels better soon."

"Will do. Talk to you later." Warrick hung up and turned his phone off. He looked at Nick and watched his chest rise and fall slowly. He looked down and smiled when he realized he was still holding his best friend's hand in his. "I'm never gonna let anything happen to you ever again Nicky...I can't loose you bro." Warrick lightly squeezed Nick's hand, and couldn't help but smile when he felt Nick squeeze back.


	2. Always Being There

"Okay, Nick. You seem to be doing very well, how are you feeling?" Dr. Strasser wanted to get Nick out of the hospital as soon as possible, he could tell he hated being there.

"Much better."

"That's good. I'm giving you a prescription for some sleep aids if you have any trouble falling or staying asleep." Warrick looked down at Nick. They both knew Nick wasn't going to use them. "Take it easy for a couple weeks. You've been sleeping for pretty much 3 days, so don't try to do anything too physically strenuous right away. Call me if you need anything."

"Thanks doc." Warrick replied when he realized Nick wasn't gonna respond. He was staring blankly at the far wall. "You ready to get out of here bro?" Nick nodded and stood from his seat on the bed. He was a little wobbly and Warrick thought he was about to fall over, but he steadied himself and went to change. When he came back he looked exhausted. Warrick put his arm around his shoulders and they went to the front desk where Nick had to sign some release papers. After all the paperwork was taken care of, they slowly made their way outside to the parking lot where Catherine was waiting for them. They rode in an awkward silence, no one knowing what to say. Nick just stared out the backseat window. Catherine dropped the guys at Nick's house and went to pick up Lindsey. As soon as he was inside, Nick collapsed on the couch. He let his head fall back against the couch and closed his eyes. Warrick sighed and sat down next to him. "You hungry?" Nick just nodded. Warrick went into the kitchen and made some sandwiches. When he came back in, Nick was fast asleep on the couch. He smiled and grabbed a blanket from the closet and threw it over Nick. He clicked the TV on and turned the volume all the way down and tried to concentrate on the football game, but all he could think of was how he almost lost Nick. Suddenly his jeans pocket felt very heavy. He reached inside and pulled out the coin Nick had flipped that landed him the trash run.

_'No, ya know what? You keep this, it's bad luck.'_

Warrick had replayed that moment over and over in his head a hundred times. _What if we had gone 2 out of 3? What if it had been me down there instead of him? Warrick couldn't control his thoughts._ He rubbed the back of his neck and shook his head. _It wasn't me, it was Nick, so stop with all the what-ifs and help Nick._ As if on cue, Nick started screaming.

"Help me...please...I can't do this anymore...I can't breathe...I'm sorry..." Nick's hands started shaking. Seconds later, he went flying off the couch onto the floor. Warrick ran over and started shaking him to get him to wake up.

"Nick it's just a dream. Wake up! Nick come on man! Wake up!" Nick's eyes shot open. He looked around him, and when he realized he wasn't underground, he let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. He closed his eyes tightly and took a few deep breaths. Warrick helped him back onto the couch and rubbed his back. "It was just a dream Nick. You're safe." Nick covered his face with his hands as the tears fell.

"Why does it seem so real?"

"I don't know bro."

"I dreamt that I did it...that I pulled it right in front of you. You're not supposed to be able to die in your dreams, but I did." Warrick just looked at Nick. He didn't know what to say, so he pulled him into a tight hug. "I wish I could be more like you." Nick whispered.

Warrick leaned back so he could look Nick in the eyes. "What? Why?"

Nick wiped at his eyes and looked down at the floor. "You always know what to do, you always know how to make things better. You're never scared."

"That's so not true." Nick looked up at Warrick. "Do you have any idea how fucking scared I was when you shot out that light? I thought you killed yourself, and all I could have done was watch. I thought I lost you. Those few seconds were the worst of my life. I've never been so fucking scared in my entire life."

_'What are you doing..Nicky...No...Don't do it Nicky...You son of a bitch!'_ Another memory Warrick never wanted to remember.

Nick looked back down at the floor, then narrowed his eyes and looked back up.

"Wait...how did you see me shoot out the light?"

Warrick sighed. "There was a camera above you in...the box. Everytime we clicked the 'watch' button it turned on the light and we could see you." Nick closed his eyes and shook his head.

"I'm sorry." he choked out.

"It's not your fault. I wanted to keep the light on for you, I didn't know it was connected to the fan..." The realization that Warrick was almost responsible for suffocating Nick overcame him again and tears started to fall from his dark green eyes.

Nick looked up at Warrick. "Did everyone see it?" Warrick nodded. "I didn't know..."

"I know Nicky. It's okay." Warrick hugged him again. "You should get some rest." Nick nodded and stood up. He slowly walked into his room and fell back onto his bed. Warrick climbed in after him and wrapped his arms around him as Nick layed his head on his shoulder.

"Thanks." Nick's voice was quiet and lacked it's usual Texan accent.

"For what?"

"Being here for me this whole time...not letting me give up...not many people would do so much for someone."

"You're not just anyone Nicky. You're more than a brother to me man."

"Still..."

"Well, not many people have best friends like you. Otherwise, I'm sure they would."


	3. Unpleasent Surprises

_Nick stared at the computer screen and watched his best friend suffering in the glass coffin. He hadn't moved or said anything since they had first gotten the feed. His face was white as a ghost and he didn't try to control the shaking of his hands anymore. **This is all my fault. Why did I make him go 2 out of 3?** He flinched away when Catherine put her hand on his shoulder. He turned around and faced her, and when he saw the look in her eyes he broke down. He fell to his knees and let the tears fall. Catherine kneeled next to him and hugged him tightly. "It's okay Nicky." she cooed. "It's not your fault, we're gonna get him outta there."_

_"Yes it is. I should have taken it...if he doesn't make it..."_

_"We know where he is!" Greg came running into the A/V lab. Nick and Catherine quickly stood up and followed Greg out to the Denali's. Nick jumped in with Grissom. Nick hadn't even shut the door before Grissom tore out of the parking lot and down the road. They were going a dangerous amount over the speed limit, but pretty much every cop in Vegas was either following them, or meeting them there, so it didn't matter. All that mattered was getting Warrick. Grissom didn't even pull to a complete stop before Nick was out of the car. Grissom quickly followed, running up to the owner of the nursery. Teams of cops, cadets, and CSIs split up and began searching everywhere. Nick was beginning to get frusterated and started to panic, then he heard Catherine._

_"I found him! This is it!" Nick sprinted towards Catherine's voice and dropped to his knees next to her. Someone handed him a shovel and he started digging. It felt like an eternity before he heard the thud from his shovel hitting the plexiglass cover. He dropped to his knees again and frantically started brushing the dirt away with his hands. When it was all clear, he looked down in horror. Warrick was holding the gun under his chin, his finger tightening on the trigger._

_"No Warrick! Put that down! We got you, it's okay."_

_Warrick just shook his head and yelled back. "No it's no Nick. How could you let me down? This is all your fault." Warrick pulled the trigger and Nick screamed._

Everything was black. Nick could faintly hear someone yelling his name. He felt a firm hand on his shoulder, and the yelling got louder.

"Nicky wake up! It's just a dream, you can wake up!" Warrick yelled, shaking Nick's shoulder as hard as he could without dislocating it. Nick's eyes snapped open and focused on Warrick. His eyes darted around the room, and he realized he was in his bedroom. The images from his nightmare came rushing back, and he suddenly felt sick to his stomach. He got up and ran to the bathroom, falling to his knees right before he threw up. Warrick followed, and when he saw Nick get sick he wet a face cloth with cold water. Nick leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes. Warrick put the cold cloth on his pale, sweating forehead and sat down next to him. He cupped the back of Nick's neck and rubbed it gently, getting Nick to calm down so he could get his breathing under control. His whole body was shaking and Nick could hear his own heart painfully beating against his ribs. "Same dream?" Warrick asked, putting the face cloth on the back of Nick's neck. Nick shook his head and looked at Warrick. Tears filled his eyes and he hugged his knees to his chest and let his head rest on them. He felt Warrick soothingly rubbing his back, but he couldn't stop replaying the nightmare in his head.

"It was all my fault." Nick said so quietly Warrick had to strain to hear him.

"No it wasn't Nicky. You can't keep blaming yourself."

"But you said it was!" Nick said, looked up at Warrick.

Warrick stared at Nick, his face showing obvious confusion. "When?"

"When you were..." Nick's voice trailed off. He knew it was just a horrible dream...but it had felt so real.

"Come on, talk to me bro. Tell me what you had a nightmare about. Let me help you."

Nick closed his eyes again. "It was you...you were in the coffin, not me. I made you go 2 out of 3 and you lost, so it was you, not me. Then we found you, and when I got all the dirt off you had the gun like I did...and I told you not to do it but you said..." Nick's voice cracked with a sob. He took a deep breath and continued. "You said I let you down and it was all my fault...then you pulled it and I saw you die right in front of me..."

Warrick pulled Nick into a hug, slightly rocking him back and forth. "It was just a dream. I would never ever say that to you. I wish it had been me in there instead of you. This is not your fault, and you have never let me down, okay?" Nick shook his head against Warrick's shoulder.

"Ya know...sometimes I think it would be better for everyone if Amy Hendler had just pulled the fucking trigger and got it over with."

Warrick's heart sunk. "How would that make things any better?"

"Too many people have gotten hurt because of me...that psychic guy, Crane, Gordon, that couple...it would have saved a lot of people a lot of trouble."

"You're wrong Nicky. If she had, I would never have made it this far without you. I'd probably be living on the damn streets begging for money so I could gamble. You've helped me through so much, you don't even know. All those people getting hurt...it wasn't your fault. You gotta understand that bro."

"The little kids were..." Nick whispered before he even realized it. _Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._

Warrick pulled away from Nick and looked him in the eyes. He could see all the pain right there. "What little kids?" Nick looked down at the floor. "Hey...Nicky...you can tell me anything bro."

More tears were falling from Nick's eyes now. "When I w-was 9...the b-babysitter...s-she...I must have done s-something wrong..."

Warrick's breath caught in his throat and he felt like he just got punched in the stomach. _'Please don't say what I think you're gonna say...'_

"She t-told me I had been b-bad...she was s-stronger than me...she t-took my clothes off...I d-don't remember much...other than it h-hurt like hell..." Nick turned back to the toilet and threw up again. He fell back on the floor and started shaking from uncontrolable sobs.

Warrick felt so helpless. He couldn't believe what Nick had just told him...he was frozen in shock. Nick's broken voice and what he was saying snapped him out of it.

"I never t-told anyone. B-but a few kids at s-school had bruises just like I d-did and s-sat in the corner all day. It was my fault...I didn't t-tell anyone and s-she got away with it." Nick sat up again and looked at Warrick. "I've never told anyone except Catherine...and that was because she was gonna kick me off a c-case."

Warrick put his hand on the back of Nick's neck and squeezed firmly. "Nicky...listen to me. You were just a little kid...it wasn't your fault. You were 9 years old. You didn't do a damn thing wrong...it's not your fault."

Nick choked back another sob and wiped his eyes. "Pretty pathetic huh."

"What is?"

"Me. I need someone to wake me up cuz I have nightmares like a little kid and I'm crying over something that happened almost 30 years ago."

"You're not pathetic Nick. Pathetic only describes all the people who have ever hurt you. If you were pathetic, you would never have made it through everything you have. You're an amazing person Nick, don't let anyone make you think any different." Warrick put his hand on Nick's left arm. When Nick flinched away, Warrick felt his thumb brush over slightly raised skin. _'Oh God...no...'_ Nick's eyes dropped to the floor and he held his left arm tightly against his chest. "Nicky...let me see your arm." Nick didn't move. He was desperatly trying to fight back to the tears, but it was a losing battle. "Nick, look at me." Nick's eyes met Warrick's. He could see how worried he was. "Let me see your arm." Nick reluctantly stretched out his left arm and Warrick looked down at his wrist. There was a faint scar running horizontally across Nick's wrist. At the ends it looked frayed, like the end of a rope, and Warrick realized one cut must have been reopened at least a dozen times. He ran his thumb over it and looked back up at Nick. "How did I not see this before?"

"Everytime it was obvious like this I wore a long sleeved shirt. Otherwise you can barely see it unless you're looking for it, some scar cream or something...works really good..." Nick let out a dry laugh.

Warrick just didn't understand. Nick wasn't suicidal. Why would he do this to himself? "I don't understand...why?"

"My best friend in high school, his brother killed himself when we were Sophomore's. He started doing it cuz he was depressed, and he said it took the edge off. I'd get stressed out a lot with school and sports and my house was always so hectic...and it worked. Then..." Nick looked back down at the floor. "The summer before we were supposed to leave for college, I went to his house to pick him up to go to the movies or something...and when I went into his room...he was lying there...dead...that was my fault too." Warrick didn't know what to say. Nick had dropped 2 bombs on him within 5 minutes. Nick took a deep breath and kept going. "I stopped doing it when I got to college though. I was too scared too. Then when I became a CSI...it helped...made it easier. I know it sounds crazy, but it works. I don't have a deathwish..." Nick looked up at Warrick, who's eyes were also filled with tears.

"When's the last time you..." Warrick couldn't even finish the sentence. He was still is disbelief his best friend would do this.

"A few weeks ago. After that case with the starving kids...I know I wasn't on it, but I heard about it. Cases with kids getting hurt are the worst."

"You have to stop. If you accidently...you could..." Warrick's voice broke with a sob. Nick tightly closed his eyes and wished this was all another nightmare. "Nicky, promise me you'll stop. I'll help you...you don't have to cope like this. Please promise me."

Nick opened his eyes. He knew for a long time he _should_ stop, that he could seriously injure himself...but sometimes, he didn't care. Seeing how much this was hurting Warrick was enough to make him realize he **_had_** to stop. "I promise." He whispered. Warrick pulled Nick against him. "I'm sorry." Nick said against Warrick's shoulder.

"It's okay...everything's gonna be okay bro. Just stay strong...you can do this buddy." Warrick was in shock at how much Nick has been through. He was mad at himself for not noticing sooner.

"Giving up would be so much easier..."

"I don't care how easy it would be. Maybe for you, but not for me. When I give up, you can. But here's a hint, I'm never giving up Nicky. Never."

**I know, I know. Emo Nick seems a little far fetched, but I thought the same thing when he told Catherine about the babysitter in 'Overload', and my brother gave me the idea for this so I decided to try it. I was trying to show how much Nick has been through and how strong he is, and how much Nick and Warrick care about each other.**


	4. Dependable Nicky

_It was raining. Warrick looked around him and saw a lot of people considering the weather. He looked back at the coffin again. A real one this time, not plexiglass. The only people he knew there were Nick's parents and what he guessed were all of his siblings, but he couldn't see their faces, and his team - well, former team. After watching his best friend kill himself, he didn't want to have anything to do with being a CSI anymore. He had given Grissom his badge right there, and brought the rest of his stuff the next day when he filled out his resignation papers. He hadn't eaten or slept since that night they were supposed to have rescued Nick. That was 5 days ago. Tina had dumped him, but he didn't care. Nothing mattered to him anymore. He lost his brother, and he had no idea what he was gonna do now. The service began, but Warrick didn't pay much attention. He just stared at another box he couldn't save Nick from. When they lowered the coffin into the ground, this time for good, Warrick had to fight as hard as he could not to jump in there with him. Nick's mother and sisters were crying hysterically. Catherine was clinging to his arm, but he hardly noticed she was there. Sara was crying against Grissom, and Brass had his hand on Greg's shoulder. People slowly started to leave. Nick's mother put some flowers on his grave and left with the rest of his family. A little while later Sara couldn't stand it, so Greg brought her home. Then Catherine had to go get Lindsey, and Brass left without a word. Warrick looked up at the sky as the rain started falling harder. "It definitly picked the right day to rain." Warrick said quietly. Grissom stared at the tombstone in front of them._

_"Why didn't you save him?" Warrick turned and looked into Grissom's grey eyes before he walked away. Warrick fell to his knees and broke into tears._

Warrick opened his eyes and looked around. It took him a minute to realize he was in Nick's living room. He had fallen asleep in the recliner, and Nick was stretched out on the couch. Warrick let out a sigh of relief. Just a bad dream. Warrick got up and walked into the bathroom. Flicking on the light and looking into the mirror, he noticed his face was tear stained. He had actually cried in his sleep. He splashed ice cold water on his face and made his way back into the living room. The title screen for 'Bad Boys 2' was up, and he suddenly remembered watching the movie with Nick last night. They must have fallen asleep before it was over, because Warrick couldn't recall seeing Will Smith drive the bright yellow hummer down the hill of crack dealer's houses in Cuba - his favorite scene. The phone started ringing, waking Nick up. He rolled off the couch and landed on the floor with a thud.

"Really graceful." Warrick said with a laugh. Nick lightly punched him as he made his way to the phone in his bedroom.

"Hello? Oh, hey Catherine...Yeah sure, come over...Yes, I'm positive...I'm fine, really...Yeah, he's here, well, I don't know where he is but he's around here somwhere...Okay, see ya soon." Nick walked back out into the living room and sat back down on the couch. "Warrick, the teams coming over to visit." Nick yelled, and in return he received a playful slap on the back of his head from Warrick.

"I'm right behind you Columbo. No need to yell." Warrick walked around the couch back to his chair. "I'm starving...you hungry?"

"Yeah...I think we fell asleep before our pizza got here last night."

Warrick laughed. "Oh yeah, I forgot about that." Warrick followed Nick into the kitchen and started looking through the cabinets as Nick searched the fridge. "Uhh...Nick..."

"I have no food." Nick finished the sentence for Warrick. "I think that's why we ordered pizza."

"Way to be Nick." Warrick clapped him on the shoulder and went back into the living room, followed by Nick. They sat in silence for a few minutes as Nick flipped through the channels. When they couldn't find anything worth pretending to watch, Nick clicked the tv off and threw the clicker on the coffee table. Warrick decided to break the tension. "No nightmares last night I hope."

"Actually, no. I might've, I just don't remember." Warrick nodded and looked down at the floor. Nick could tell something was wrong. "Did you?"

Warrick nodded slowly and looked up at Nick. "We were...at your funeral. It was raining and everyone was crying. After they lowered..." Warrick trailed off as Nick looked down. He knew what he meant without him even having to hear Warrick say it. "Everyone left except me and Grissom. It started raining harder and he asked me why...why I didn't save you."

"But you did save me." Nick said, walking over and kneeling next to Warrick.

"Not in my dream...you died in my dream because I didn't get to you in time...it was my fault you were down there in the first place..."

"No, Warrick it..."

Warrick cut him off. " _'Wasn't your fault.'_ That's all everyone keeps telling me, but it is. You didn't wanna go 2 outta 3 cuz I have a gambling problem..."

"No you don't. I was kidding bro."

"I know, but it's true. If I never did, then you wouldn't have said it and we woulda gone 2 outta 3."

"You still could have won Warrick...if I can't blame myself for everyone who got hurt before, you can't blame yourself for this."

"Watching you on that screen and knowing it shoulda been me was the worst feeling in the world...all I could do was watch. And when we thought we found you at the warehouse where Grissom dropped the ransom...it was just a fucking dog. I kicked a bucket of something and Greg..." Warrick let out a short laugh.

"I'm glad it was me and not you. I wouldn't change it even if I could. I wouldn't have been able to keep it together...I woulda lost it. As soon as we dug you up, I would have done something stupid like pull you out right away and blow everyone up."

"You wouldn't have gotten a chance too. I would have never made it as far as you."

"Yes you would have." Warrick didn't have a chance to argue. He was interrupted by a knock at the door. "Hey, maybe the pizza guy came back." Nick joked, standing and walking over to the door. He opened it to reveal Catherine, with the rest of the team behind. "Nope," Nick said, turning back to Warrick. "It's just Catherine." He said with mock disappointment. Catherine let herself in.

"You better have pizza. Dumbass over there fell asleep before the guy got here last night." Warrick joked, joining Nick to greet their guests.

"Me? You fell asleep too, why is it my fault?" Nick said as he let everyone else into his house and closed the door.

"Your house, your responsibility."

"Yeah, my money too." Warrick picked up a pillow and threw it at Nick, who dodged it easily.

"Is this how you always treat your guests?" Greg asked jokingly.

"He never has guests, so he's a little clueless as to what do to." Warrick replied. Grissom and Sara sat together on the love seat, Warrick went back to his chair and Catherine, Nick and Greg took the couch.

Catherine decided to break the awkward silence that was starting to build. "Sorry we couldn't come visit you in the hospital, the nurses weren't very cooperative with the visiting hours and we were really backed up at the lab."

"You yelling at all the nurses didn't help too much." Greg added, getting a slap on the shoulder from Catherine.

Nick laughed. "Don't worry about it. I was pretty drugged up anyway, wouldn't have been too fun to visit."

"Your skin looks good Nick...I expected there to be more scars or bites." Sara said carefully. Grissom gave her one of his _'What the hell?'_ looks and she just shrugged, but Nick took it in stride.

"Yeah I know. That cream or whatever they have at the hospital is like magical."

"Ya know Nick...the ants actually helped us find you. They helped narrow it down to a few nurseries."

"Gruesome Grissom." Everyone said in unison, and they all burst out in laughter. Grissom just shook his head and laughed. The conversation veered away from Nick's kidnapping and carried on easily. Warrick was surprised at how well Nick was pretending to be okay. He was laughing and keeping up his end of the conversation. But when he smiled, it was only his mouth smiling, not his eyes. Nick's eyes always gave him away, to Warrick at least. After a good hour of chit chat, the rest of the team had to get home and get some sleep before next shift. They all said their goodbye's and left, but Grissom hung back.

"Nick, I just wanted you to know you can take as much time off as you want. There's no rush. Don't come back until you're ready, okay?"

Nick nodded. "Thanks Griss."

"And you," Grissom said, turning to Warrick. "Same thing. I know how close you guys are." Nick and Warrick both smiled as Grissom left. As soon as the door was shut, though, Nick's smile faded, and on seeing this, Warrick's turned to a frown.

"What's wrong?"

"I uh...I don't know if I'm gonna go back to work." Nick said quietly.

Warrick's heart began beating faster. "What do you mean?"

"I...I'm too scared."

Warrick put his hands on Nick's shoulders and looked him right in the eye. "It's okay to be scared Nicky. It'll get better, just give it time."

"I've been scared since I was 9."

Warrick didn't know what to say to that, so he just pulled Nick into another hug.

"I'm sick of being scared."

"I know. But you can't let it stop you from doing something you love and you're so good at."

"I know..." There was another loud knock at the door. Nick pulled away and looked at Warrick.

"Maybe Greg forgot something...or it's really the pizza guy this time." Warrick offered. Nick laughed and went to the door. He opened it and an attractice brunette threw her arms around his neck and pulled him into a hug. Nick was startled at first, then realized who it was and wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Jen! What are you doing here?"

"I came to visit my little brother, is that a crime?"

Nick stepped back and crossed his arms. "Mom called you, didn't she?"

Jen put her hands up in defeat. "Yeah. And thank God cuz you don't tell me anything anymore." She said, playfully punching Nick's shoulder.

"Don't make me beat on you."

"Awww Nicky...so cute, you thinking you could actually take me." Nick laughed and walked past her and grabbed her bag, bringing it into the other guest bedroom. "Nick, tell me again why you bought a three bedroom house..."

"Cuz it's closer to the lab, and so that my best friend and sister can stay with me at the same time." Jen looked at Warrick on the couch and put her hand over her mouth.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry! How rude, I didn't even know you were there...I'm so sorry."

"It's okay." Warrick said with a laugh, getting up and walking over to Jen with an outstretched hand. "I'm..."

"Warrick. Nick's told me about you. I'm Jen, and Nick's rude."

Nick appeared at the end of the hall. "What the hell did I do?"

"You just let me walk in and didn't even introduce me to your best friend. Real nice." Nick rolled his eyes and sat on the couch. Jen took a seat on the love seat across from Nick, and Warrick again went back to his chair next to Jen. "So, Nick...are you okay? That must have been horrible..."

"I'm fine."

"No you're not, don't lie." Warrick was a little surprised Jen would call him on that. "I know you all too well Nick."

"Then why do you ask questions when you already know the answer?" Nick said with a smile.

Jen shrugged. "Because I can, and I want you to tell me the truth. You never call me anymore, we haven't talked since Christmas."

"Why do I always have to call you?" Warrick couldn't keep the smile off his face. He didn't have any brothers or sisters, and it made him happy to see Nick was so close with one of his. "You're always working anyway. She's a lawyer." Nick said to Warrick.

"Oh man." Warrick said. "I hate lawyers." he said, half joking.

"Yeah, that's okay. I really don't like CSIs either." She shot back.

"A little heads up Rick...you will never beat her in a verbal fight, so don't try."

"I'll keep that in mind." Warrick replied.

"In my defense," Jen said, holding up her hands. "I'm a prosecuting attorney. So we kinda are on the same side."

"Right." Nick and Warrick said together. Nick got up went into the kitchen and made some coffee. "I hope you're not hungry...I have no food."

"And I'm not surprised." Jen said, accepeting the coffee from Nick as he handed the another cup to Warrick.

"But you always have coffee." Warrick said matter of factly.

"A CSIs best friend. I stole this from Greg's secret stash...if he finds out, I'm dead." They sat in a comfortable silence, enjoying their Blue Hawaiin coffee. "So how long are you staying Jen?" Nick asked.

Jen took another sip of coffee before answering. "Only 2 days. I have to be in San Francisco by Wednesday for a conference."

"And Jay gets the kids? That should be interesting."

Warrick turned to Jen. "How many kids do you have?"

"Two." Jen answered proudly. "Jen, she's 10, and Nick, he's 6." Warrick looked at Nick and he laughed, along with Jen. "It was my husband's idea. He thinks it's so awesome how they're 4 years apart, and so are me and Nick."

"Is he psychic?"

Jen laughed. "No. He wanted to name our first child after me because it was a girl, then 4 years later when a boy was born, he thought it'd be perfect to name him Nick. He get's amused easily."

"Is he a lawyer too?" Warrick said playfully.

Jen hit him with a pillow. "No, he's a doctor." Nick was so happy Warrick and Jen were getting along. He knew they would, it was just comforting to see it. "Speaking of Jay, him and the kids say hi and hope you feel better soon. And if you send Nick a box of candy for his brithday ever again, I'll kill you.

Nick laughed. "I asked him 10 times what he wanted, and all he said was candy, so I gave him candy."

"He ate it all in one night and wouldn't sit still for like 3 days."

" 'Atta boy."

Jen rolled her eyes and turned back to Warrick. "So are you married?"

"Nah. Just a girlfriend, Tina."

"At least your dating." Jen said, turning back to Nick, who had suddenly fallen asleep on the couch. "Is he okay?" She said, worry filling her voice.

"Yeah. The meds he's taking for the ant venom or whatever makes him tired. Plus he hasn't slept much these last few days...nightmares."

Jen put her hand on Warrick's arm and smiled warmly. Her smile reminded Warrick of Nick's. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"Being such a good friend to Nick."

"It's my pleasure." Warrick said, smiling. "So what was he like as a kid?"

"He was always dependable." Warrick had a flashback to when Nick said he was "just dependable" in high school. "Whenever me or one of our older siblings would have a party when our parents were gone and we'd oversleep or pass out, he'd always wake up early and clean up so they never knew." Jen smiled. "He absolutly loved horses. He rode everyday. Him and Matt, our older brother, were always playing baseball or tormenting the rest of us."

"How many of you are there?" Warrick said laughing.

"Seven. Kelsey and Kristin are the oldest, twins. Then Jill, Matt, me, Abbey and Nick."

"Youngest of 7."

"Yeah."

"And I take it you two are the closest?"

"Yeah. We actually shared a room. Our ranch was huge, but just one room too small for a family of nine. He was supposed to share a room with Matt, but he never shared anything. He still doesn't." Warrick smiled. "Most people would think sharing a room with a boy would be too annoying for a girl, especially a younger brother. But he was fun." Jen's smile widened and you could see in her eyes she was recalling a lot of happy memories. "I remember when I was a junior...I was so excited to go to prom. It's all I thought about all year. Then...probably the week before...my dad found my teeny tiny bag of weed in a shoebox in our closet, and Nick was only 13 so my dad correctly assumed it was mine." Warrick was shocked. Jen definitly didn't seem like the kind of girl who did drugs in high school. "Don't worry. I wasn't a druggie or anything. It was just stupid peer pressure. I only did it once and I got sick so I hid the rest in my closet. Anyway, my dad freaked. He started yelling 'No car, no phone, no tv, no PROM.' Nick didn't even hesitate. He told my dad it was his. My dad's a judge and can usually tell when someone's lying, but Nick pulled it off. He kicked me when I tried to argue. He was grounded for an entire year, and to this day my parents still hold it against him sometimes. " Jen's eyes slightly watered. "And when I asked him how I could repay him, he said have fun at the prom, and to promise him I'd never do it again."

"That sounds like Nick." Warrick said.

"Yeah. He always put everyone else before him. When a younger kid would be getting beat up or pushed into a locker, Nick would always stand up for him. On Senior Tag Day at our school, when all the seniors would chase the freshmen after school with shaving cream and water balloons filled with God knows what...Nick was on their team and helped them hide."

"He's always been so kind...he's such a good person, and no one cuts him a break. They stalk him...push him out of windows...and bury him alive." Warrick said shaking his head.

"At least he has you."


	5. Slowly Falling Apart

They drove back home the same way they drove to the prison. Nick stared out the passenger side window, and Warrick kept glancing at him every few minutes. Nick knew Warrick was worried, he just didn't want to open his mouth because he thought he was gonna throw up if he did, so he just sat there and stared out the window. _How can Kelly be so mad at me? It's not like I asked her dad to kidnap me, bury me alive, then kill himself. All I was trying to do was help her, and she acts like it's all my fault. Maybe it is..._

Warrick had tried to talk Nick out of going to the prison to see Kelly even though he knew his efforts would be useless. Warrick remembered how upset Sara was after her and Brass had questioned Kelly and she said she hoped their friend died. The last thing Nick needed was for Kelly to say something stupid like that to him. But Nick said he needed some kind of closure, and Warrick wasn't gonna fight him on that. He knew there was somethings Nick wanted to know, and others he didn't.

The silence was deafening. Warrick was getting more and more worried about Nick with every second. Nick hadn't said a word since he came out of the prison. He looked so lost and helpless. But when Nick finally spoke, Warrick wasn't sure if the silence was such a bad thing.

"This really is all my fault." Nick whispered.

Warrick could feel his heart drop. "No it's not Nick. There was no excuse for what..."

Nick cut him off. "He did it cuz he loved his daughter so much."

"He shouldn't have had to kidnap and bury you to prove to his daughter he loved her. This is not your fault."

Nick leaned his head back against the seat and closed his eyes. He was clearly exhausted and all he wanted to do was go home and take a hot shower. He didn't open his eyes when he said, "Have you ever wanted to go to sleep and never wake up?" His voice was barely above a whisper.

Warrick nodded, but when he realized Nick's eyes are closed, he responded. "Yeah. I have."

"But you never gave up."

"No, I didn't. And neither will you." They fell silent and minutes later, Warrick pulled into Nick's driveway and they went inside. After another completely pointless search of Nick's kitchen for any food, Warrick decided they were gonna end up starving. "I'm gonna go to the store and get some food.

Nick nodded slowly. "I'm gonna take a shower."

"Alright, I'll be back soon." Warrick said. He wasn't sure why, but as soon as he pulled out of the driveway he got this feeling in his gut that something was wrong. He felt nervous about leaving Nick alone, but he'd only be gone for no more than a half hour, and they really needed food.

Nick stripped off all his clothes and let them fall to the bathroom floor. He climbed in the shower and let the hot water rush over him. He just stood under the water with his head down, eyes closed, water as hot as he could get it. Suddenly he heard a rumbling that he realized was thunder, then a loud crack. When he opened his eyes, he was surrounded by darkness from an apparent power outage. He panicked and tried to get out of the shower, but he slipped and fell backward on his back, instantly getting the wind knocked out of him. Hot water stung his eyes, so he closed them tight and desperatly tried to breathe. Droplets of water trickled down his arms and legs and he thought there were ants crawling all over him again. He shook his head and tried to calm down, but then he heard it. He heard Gordon's haunting voice, taunting him.

Nick tried to move his arms and legs, but was restrained from the sides of the tub. _No...no...not again...I can't be back down there. I'm safe...I can get up. Just get up!_ Nick slowly started to sit up, and when he didn't hit his head, he sat completly upright before jumping to his feet and out of the shower. He quickly dried off and fought his way past walls and other objects that got in his way to his bedroom. He somehow found his dresser in the dark, and managed to grab a pair of sweatpants and pull them on. Gordon's voice was getting louder in his head.

_**"Hi CSI guy."**_

"No! I'm safe..." Nick choked out, still trying to get his breathing under control.

_"**You wondering why you're here?"**_

Nick stumbled to the closet and thankfully didn't need a light to find what he was looking for.

_**"Because...you followed the evidence. Cuz that's what CSIs do."**_

He walked backwards until the back of his knees hit the edge of the bed, and he let himself fall backwards onto his bed.

_**"So...Breathe quick...Breathe slow."**_

Nick shook his head and screamed. He could feel the ants, he could hear his sobs echoing against the plexiglass walls. He didn't dare open his eyes.

_**"Put your gun in your mouth, and pull the trigger.."**_

He could feel the weight of the gun in his hand. The cold metal of the barrel was somehow comforting. Comforting to know he had a quick and easy way out.

_**"Anyway you like, you're gonna die here."**_

Nick was shaking. _Stay still. The ants won't bite. As much._

He hadn't heard the front door close, or the bags drop at his bedroom door. He hadn't felt it when Warrick kneeled in front of him and firmly put his hands on his knees. But he could fainlty hear a voice, but it wasn't as loud as Gordon's.

"Nick, you're not in that box! Put the gun down!" Warrick reached over and pulled Nick by the shoulders so he was sitting up.

_I'm not in the box? Then why can I hear him? Why do I feel the ants? Why does my back hurt? Why can't I breathe?_

"Nicky...open your eyes and look at me bro." Warrick's voice was beginning to get louder. Nick slightly opened his eyes, but shut them again when he saw the bright light. He didn't know the power came back on.

_Enough with the damn light! The fan's connected to the light...the fan's connected to the light..._

"Come on bro. Put the gun down! You're safe, everything's okay."

_No. It's not. I'm sick of being scared. I'm sick of not being able to breathe. I just wanna sleep without any nightmares. I just wanna sleep and never wake up._

"Nick!"

_Fuck this._

When Nick's finger moved to the trigger, Warrick lunged. His chest collided with Nick's, pinning him against the bed. He grabbed the gun from Nick's hand and threw it at the far wall. He sat on the bed next to Nick and grabbed his hand. He was still having a panic attack.

Nick's chest was quickly moving up and down as he tried to catch his breath. Warrick leaned down so his mouth was right next to Nick's ear.

"You're safe. I promise. You're not where you think you are. You're at your house. Everything's okay."

"I'm not okay." Nick choked out between sobs.

"You will be. Take nice deep breaths. Calm down." Nick shook his head 'No.' Warrick tightened his grip on Nick's hand. "Do you trust me?" Nick's eyes suddenly opened and he focused on Warrick through the tears. "Nicky, do you trust me?"

Nick choked down a sob. "Yes."

"I promise you I'm gonna make everything okay. You're gonna be okay."

"Why are you doing this?"

Warrick didn't know what to say. He hadn't expected Nick to say that. "Doing what?"

"Helping me. Everyone else either left or gave up on me. Every girlfriend...Jayce even did, and he was supposed to be my best friend."

"I'm not your best friend. I'm your brother...hell, even more than that. And I'm never giving up on you. Nothing could ever make me leave you. I need you as much as you need me. I'll do anything for you bro."

"Thanks." Nick said as he sat up and hugged Warrick. "I'm sorry I'm such a pain in the ass. I don't wanna give up so easily...it just hurts so much..."

"I know...it's okay. I swear to you everything's gonna be okay no matter what."

Warrick hugged Nick tighter as his tears soaked his shirt. "I'm slowly falling apart...and it's scaring the hell out of me."

**I had a little trouble with the beginning of this chapter, but I think it turned out alright. I know it seems I'm being mean to Nick, but I promise he gets better soon. Anways, hope you enjoyed. Thanks for the reviews.**


	6. A Little Help From Greggo

After realizing that neither one of them could cook anything to save their life, Nick and Warrick decided to invite the team over for dinner. Grissom and Sara had to decline their invitation because they were working on a case that demanded overtime, but Catherine and Greg willingly accepted. 

"By the looks of things..." Catherine said as she walked into Nick's kitchen, "I'm cooking dinner."

"You're one hell of a CSI Cath." Nick said, ducking out of Catherine's reach.

"I don't have to feed you ya know."

"I'm sorry." Nick said, fighting back a smile.

Catherine just rolled her eyes and laughed. "Okay, so what do you gentlemen want to eat?"

"Whatever Warrick got at the store earlier."

"Okay." Catherine said, looking through Nick's cabinets. "We have...popcorn, chips, oreos, Greg's coffee..."

"Hey!" Greg said, punching Warrick.

"Nick did it, not me." Greg turned to hit Nick, but he had moved across the room out of reach.

Catherine moved to the fridge. "Cherry coke, orange juice, milk, and gatorade." She shook her head at Warrick.

"What? There's nothing wrong with that."

Catherine opened the freezer. "Frozen pizza...you guys couldn't handle frozen pizza?"

"No, we could. We just like your company." Nick said sarcastically. This time he wasn't out of Catherine's reach.

"Oh good job Warrick. Chicken breast. Something I can actually cook." Nick and Greg started clapping for Warrick, who just shook his head. "Okay, I'll go throw this on the grill...are we eating outside or inside?"

"Outside." All 3 guys said in unison. They grabbed 4 cokes from the fridge and followed Catherine into Nick's backyard. They sat down at the table on Nick's patio as Catherine got the chicken started.

"So how's work Greggo?" Nick asked.

"Oh it's a joy. I don't think Sara's slept in a week, and I swear to God Grissom's office has a button somewhere and it turns into a bedroom or something."

Nick and Warrick burst out into laughter. "I would not be at all surprised it that's true." Warrick said.

"And Hodges thinks he's God cuz he figured out there was Semtex under you, so he thinks we all owe him a lifetime of servitude."

"That sounds like good ol' Hodges." Nick said, taking a sip of cherry coke. Catherine returned and took a seat next to Warrick.

"Awww Greg, it's not that bad."

"That's because you don't have to work DB's in an abandoned skate park with absolutly no evidence whatsoever with Sunshine Sara Sidle." Everyone but Geg broke out laughing. "I'm glad someone thinks it's funny." He said, giving in to the smile he was fighting back.

"Don't worry Greg. Soon you can go back to getting tortured by me and Nick and loosing bets."

"Ah...the good old days...I'd take that over this last week anytime."

"That bad?" Nick said with a smirk.

"Remember that case you ran with Sara after she hadn't slept in 3 days and I offered you a Valium for her and she somehow heard and almost killed me? How fun was that?"

"I think I had more fun on the scuba diver in the tree case."

Catherine let out a short laugh. "Yeah. And what was your theory on that Nicky? Sucked up by the heliocopters getting water from Lake Mead..."

"It made sense. Your just jealous you didn't think of it first." Nick shot back, pointing at Catherine with his can.

"Well what about the drowning in the desert you thought was murder?" Warrick challenged.

"It could have been...it sort of was. Her husband screwed with the map."

"Then he drowned her with cantine water?"

Nick threw a foam football that was on the table at Warrick, who easily caught it. "Don't forget your thief versus my phantom driver."

"Oh man." Warrick laughed. "That was such a bogus case. A series of very unfortunate events."

"That made us both looked stupid." Nick added with a laugh.

"And which case was this?" Greg asked.

"A car went off the road and down a steep hill. When we got the the scene, the vic was alive and pulled from the backseat, no driver found in the car or anywhere around it. Circumstancial evidence led Nick here to believe there was a 'phantom driver' who abandoned his friend..."

"And Warrick thought he was robbed."

"What happened?" Catherine asked chuckling.

"Turns out, the vic was really the driver. He lost all his money, watch and ring playing pool, had a few to drink, and drove off the road. As his car was see-sawing over the edge of the hill, he climbed into the backseat before going over." Warrick said. Everyone laughed at Nick and Warrick's competetiveness.

Catherine sighed. "Chickens almost ready...but none of you thought to bring out plates and silverware?" The guys just looked at each other and shrugged. "I'll get it." Catherine said with mock irritation.

"I'll help." Warrick said, standing and following Catherine back into Nick's kitchen.

Nick and Greg sat in silence for a few seconds before Nick spoke. "G...can I ask you something?"

"Yeah. Of course." Nick's tone made Greg a little uneasy, but he was willing to help Nick in any way he could.

"How did you...how did you go back to work after the...explosion?"

Greg's soft brown eyes met Nick's darker ones, and he could see how scared he was. He took a deep breath before answering. "I honestly don't know. I was scared to death. I kept checking everything over and over again...and having to look a cross the hall at the ruins of my old lab didn't help."

"But it got better?" Nick was almost whispering.

"Yeah. It did. After a while I got less and less scared everyday, until I didn't think about it constantly...then I didn't think about it at all. I still do sometimes, but not as much as a few years ago."

Nick slowly shook his head. "Do the nightmares ever go away?" Nick was surprised at what he saw in Greg's eyes. He was expecting pity, but he saw empathy. Greg understood how Nick felt. He too had almost lost his life.

"No, they don't." Greg said sadly. "But after a while, they get better. You have them less often and you wake up easier from them and can even fall back asleep again. It takes time, but it does get better."

"I'm not sure if I can do it...I'm too scared to go back..."

"I was scared too. My hands still shake sometimes when I'm in the lab. But I promise it does get better if you give it time. You're too good of a CSI and a friend to quit, we all need you Nick."

Nick smiled, and if Warrick was there, he would have noticed it in his eyes this time. "Thanks Greg."

"Anytime." Greg returned the smile. Catherine and Warrick came back out with plates, forks, knives, and more soda. She got the chicken off the grill and they began eating.

"So Nick..." Catherine said carefully. "When do you think you'll be back?" Warrick cast Nick a worried glance and held his breath.

Nick and Greg smiled at each other. "Soon." Nick said, and since Warrick was there, he noticed it was a genuine Nick Stokes smile.

A few hours later, Nick and Warrick said bye to Greg and Catherine when they had to get to work. "Say hi to Sunshine for me." Nick said with a smirk.

"I hope she's as sleep deprived as she is now next time you work with her." Greg said smiling.

Closing the door, Warrick turned to Nick. "Soon?" He couldn't keep the smile off his face.

"Yeah." Nick said, Warrick's smile relfected on Nick's face. "I talked to Greg cuz of the explosion thing, and he really helped. I think I'm more scared of quitting than going back to work."

Warrick's smile grew. "Remind me to be a little nicer to Greggo on occasion."


	7. Getting Better

_Nick was lying on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. There was an eerie green glow all around him, but he was more concerned about the fact that the ceiling looked like it was moving. Towards him. He tightly shut his eyes and opened them again. He looked at the walls surrounding him, and they too were closing in on him. He tried to yell for help, but his voice was hoarse from screaming so loud before. The ceiling was now inches from his face. He put his hands up and tried to push it back but couldn't. He felt the walls pushing in on his arms and legs. The ceiling pressed down on his chest, squeezing all the air out of his lungs. He struggled to breathe, but it was no use. His vision started to blur and his head was spinning. He let his eyes close._

Warrick looked over at Nick who was asleep on the couch again. His hand was resting on his stomach, and it didn't look like Nick was breathing. Warrick knelt down next to Nick's head and put his ear to Nick's mouth. _Why the hell isn't he breathing?_ Warrick put his hand on Nick's heart and felt it beating. "Wake up Nicky." He said anxiously. He shook Nick's arm, but Nick didn't move. His face was starting to turn blue, and the heartbeat under Warrick's hand was starting to weaken. He started to panic. _Why isn't Nick breathing? What the hell's going on?_ He didn't waste another second. He tried to remember everything he knew about CPR. He used both hands to pump Nick's chest as hard as he could without breaking a rib then pinched his nose closed as he breathed into his mouth. He hoped he was doing it right. It took a couple minutes, but finally Nick began breathing. He opened his eyes and started coughing and choking, but he was breathing. Warrick sat him up and rubbed his back. Nick's throat was dry and scratchy, but he finally caught his breath and looked at Warrick, his vision blurry.

"What happened?"

Warrick shook his head. "I don't know. You just...stopped breathing." Nick suddenly remembered his nightmare. The walls pushing the air from his lungs and not being able to scream for help. "Did you have a nightmare?" Warrick asked, reading his mind.

Nick nodded. "I was lying on my bed looking up at the ceiling. It was green all around me, like from the glow sticks...then the walls started closing in on me and I couldn't breathe. I tried to scream but I couldn't..." Nick closed his eyes and leaned back against the couch. "That's so weird."

"What?"

"That I stopped breathing in my dream and in real life. How did that happen?" Nick said, looking at Warrick again.

Warrick remembered his dream of Nick's funeral and how he had actually cried. "I don't know...but when I had that dream about your funeral...and Grissom asked why I didn't save you...I cried in my dream, and when I woke up I had actually cried."

"I'm such a jerk." Nick whispered.

Warrick frowned. "What? No you're not. Why would you think that?"

"I've been so selfish, freaking out about stupid dreams and everything else that has gone wrong in my life and being in a stupid box...I was so scared I never even thought about how much this has affected anyone else."

Warrick sighed. "You're not being selfish Nicky. You're never selfish. There's nothing wrong with being scared. I'm scared. I'd be worried if you weren't scared."

"But I'm always scared."

"That's what makes you such a great guy."

Nick frowned in confusion. "You realize that makes very little to no sense at all, right?"

Warrick laughed. "You may always be scared, but you know how to handle it. You can empathize with the victims because you've been there, you know how they feel. You may get criticized for it, hell even by me before, but that's because not everyone can get as close as you and not break down, and we're jealous. You know how to use your experiences to help people. You don't take anything for granted. I wish I could be more like you."

Nick let out a sarcastic laugh. "You do _not_ want to be like me."

"Yes I do. I wish I could see things the way you do. After all the horrible things we see everyday, you can somehow remember there's actually some good in the world. You can make someone smile no matter how bad a day they're having. You're an expert at helping people...I never would have been able to stop gambling if it hadn't been for you."

Nick laughed. "You're not such a bad guy yourself Warrick."

"Thanks to you. I know this is gonna make me sound like a jerk...but when I first met you, I hated you because you were so...Nick."

"You're on a roll with things not making sense today bro." Nick said smiling.

Warrick smiled. "You were so friendly and nice and funny. You reminded me of the popular guys in high school I hated, except they were dumbasses who were mean cuz they couldn't spell, and I hated you even more cuz I didn't have a reason to hate you. Then I got to know you and couldn't help being friends with you. I wasn't used to having friends. I never trusted anyone as much as I trust you."

Nick hugged Warrick. "Thanks man."

"No problem buddy. Why don't we try that pizza and 'Bad Boys 2' again?"

Nick laughed. "That sounds like a plan. We missed all the good parts last time."

"Yeah, and the pizza." Warrick added as Nick got up and ordered the pizza. Warrick took out his wallet to get some money to split the cost of the food with Nick. When he opened it, a coin fell out and landed on the floor. Warrick looked down at the heads up coin and realized it was the one Nick flipped that night he was kidnapped. _I forgot all about this..._

_'No, ya know what? You keep this, it's bad luck.'_

Warrick bent over and picked it up. _Why did I keep it?_ He remembered wanting to throw it as far as he could and never see it again, but whenever he went to throw it, he couldn't let it go. It had felt like he was letting go of Nick, and he never wanted to do that.

"What's that?"

Warrick's head snapped up and he looked at Nick. "It's uh...it's the coin."

"What coin?" Warrick tossed it to Nick, who caught it. He looked at it, then suddenly realized it was **the** coin. "Oh...this coin." He looked up at Warrick. "Why did you keep it?"

Warrick shrugged. "I don't know. I tried to get rid of it a few times, I just couldn't let go of it."

Nick smiled. "Call it in the air."

Warrick thought Nick was kidding until he flipped the coin in the air. "Tails."

Nick caught the coin and flipped it over onto the back of his wrist. His smile faded. "Heads."

Now it was Warrick who was smiling. "Best 2 outta 3?"

Nick's smile returned and shook his head. "Nah. Let's leave it in a tie." He said, handing the coin to Warrick as he walked past him. "Besides, you have a gambling problem."

Warrick pushed Nick backwards onto the couch and hit him with a pillow. "We shoulda juked it out."

"Now Warrick, violence doesn't solve anything."

"Yes it does." Warrick lightly punched Nick on the arm and sat down next to him. "Not that you could beat me..."

Nick laughed. "I like coin tosses better anyway." He said, returning the favor by hitting Warrick with the pillow.

Their pizza came, and they ate it while they watched their all-time favorite movie. They laughed and joked as they always did while watching Will Smith and Martin Lawrence chase drug dealers and kidnappers. After the movie was over, Nick got up to go answer the phone. Warrick fought the urge to close his eyes, but lost the battle.

_He dug until his fingers bled, then dug some more. Everyone else had stopped looking, but not him. Everyone else had given up all hope, but Warrick wouldn't...couldn't. He was gonna find Nick if it was the last thing he ever did. He clawed at the dirt until he collapsed in exhaustion. He rolled over onto his back and closed his eyes. He saw Nick lying in his underground cage with the gun under his chin, his eyes closed tight. The oxygen in the box was running out, and Nick was struggling to breathe. He was shaking from fear and the ants..then he stopped moving. Warrick screamed._

Warrick opened his eyes and saw Nick kneeling in front of him with a very worried expression across his face. "Are you okay?"

Warrick nodded and smiled. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. Are you okay?"

Nick smiled. "Thanks to you, I'm getting better."


	8. A Not So Final Goodbye

It had been 2 weeks since Nick had been rescued, and he was eager to get back to work. 

"Take it easy bro. You don't wanna rush it. Grissom will kill you if he thinks you came back a day too soon."

Nick sighed. "I know. I just wanna get back to work."

"Relax. No one expects you to comeback until you're positive you're ready, except Greg, and he just wants someone to keep him sane."

Nick laughed. "Yeah. Poor guy. An overtired Sara and cocky Hodges is never a good mix, especially for Greggo."

"I'm sure Grissom's helping." Warrick laughed at the thought of Greg standing in the middle of all 3 of them talking at once. His heart went out to him. Warrick's mind was taken away from the thought of Greg suffering by Nick's cell phone ringing on the end table. Nick reached for it and checked the caller ID.

"It's Catherine...hello? Hey...what's wrong? You sound upset..." Warrick nervously looked at Nick, who shrugged. "Oh...you did? Well, isn't it evidence? I don't wanna mess with it...is he sure? Okay...I want you guys to hear it...yeah, I'm sure...okay, come over whenever, we'll be here...bye." Nick hung up and sat down on the couch. Warrick sat next to him and tried his best to keep his voice level.

"What's going on?"

Nick took a deep breath and looked at Warrick. "Someone found the tape that was with me in the..." his voice trailed off and Warrick gently squeezed his shoulder. "They turned it in to Grissom at the lab, and he wanted to know what I wanted to do with it. One side is Gordon...and the other side is me." Warrick remembered Sara saying something about Nick recording a message, but he hadn't thought about it since. "I want you guys to hear it, so everyone's coming over in a little while after shift."

Warrick nodded. "You sure you want us to hear it?"

Nick looked deep into Warrick's eyes and Warrick could see how serious he was. "Definitly."

"Okay. That's fine with me." Warrick looked at the clock hanging on a wall in Nick's living room. "Well, their shift is almost over, and I'm sure they're gonna get over here as soon as they can, so why don't we make some breakfast for everyone?"

"Sounds like a plan to me. We need food though...I think we finished it all off last night."

"Yeah, good call." They went to the store and got eggs, bacon, bread, milk, and orange juice. They started cooking as soon as they got home, and were just about done when they heard a knock on the door. "We are so good." Warrick said.

Nick smiled and went to the door. "I'm shocked you'd expect anything less." He opened the door and let the team in. They all looked nervous, but eased up when they saw a big breakfast waiting for them.

"So you can cook?" Catherine said, following Nick into the kitchen.

"Well, I wouldn't call what Nick did 'cooking.' It was more like...don't burn the toast and turn the coffee on." Warrick said.

"That's cuz you're psycho and if I tried to touch anything I'd probably loose a finger."

"That sounds like Warrick to me." Grissom added, glad there wasn't an awkward silence, yet. They all sat down at Nick's table. Greg helped Nick and Warrick bring the food over, and they all started eating.

Greg took a sip of coffee and looked straight at Nick, who smirked. "Coffee stealer." He said, trying his best to sound mad, but the smile gave him away.

"Learn to hide it better." Nick replied.

"I shouldn't have to hide it. You should respect me and my stuff enough to stay away."

"Greggo, I respect you so much, I'm gonna keep stealing it, so you get better at hiding it." Everyone broke out in laughter.

"See Greg, he's being nice." Sara said.

"Do you really pay 40 dollars a pound for this stuff?" Grissom asked.

"Yes, I do. Are you trying to tell me you wouldn't pay 40 dollars a pound for this amazing coffee?" Greg shot back.

"I don't have to. I can just come to Nick's." More laughter followed that comment.

"You should have been a comedian Gris." Greg said, shaking his head.

"This coffee does go perfect with this food, good job Warrick."

Nick dropped his fork and stared at Catherine, looking unconvincingly mad. "Oh, so it's like that?"

"And you did a good job on the toast and coffee Nick." Catherine chuckled.

"Damn straight. This meal would be nothing without the toast and coffee." They carried on with the rest of their meal that way, playfully making jokes and talking about anything other than the tape recorder in Grissom's pocket. After they were done eating, they had more coffee and talked for a little while longer until they couldn't delay any longer. They looked nervously at each other, avoiding Nick's eyes. He sighed and stood up. "It's okay guys. Let's go into the living room." Sara and Catherine made the guys let them clean up before following them into Nick's living room. Nick sat on the couch with Catherine on his left and Warrick to his right. Grissom and Sara took the love seat again, and Greg sat on the chair. Grissom looked at Nick, who nodded. Grissom slowly took the battered tape recorder from his pocket and placed in on the coffee table in the middle of them. He silently pushed play and leaned back against the couch. They only heard the plexiglass cracking from Nick shooting out the light for a few seconds, then Nick's shaky voice filled the room.

"My name is Nick Stokes. If anyone finds this tape, please turn it in to the Las Vegas Crime Lab. There should be a reward." Tears filled Catherine and Sara's eyes as they listened to Nick say goodby to his family. "As for the rest of you guys..." Everyone tensed at these words. Warrick put his arm around Nick's shoulders and Catherine grabbed Nick's hand. Nick closed his eyes and took a deep breath before openening them again. "I know you did the best you could to find me. You didn't let me down." There was a pause as Nick struggled to keep his voice from breaking.

"Grissom, I never meant to dissapoint you. You taught me a lot...I'm sorry I let you down." Grissom stared blankly at the tape as Sara gently took his hand.

"Sara, I know we didn't always get along, but you're a really good friend and an awesome CSI." Sara wiped the tears from her eyes and Grissom have her a tissue.

"Greg, you're gonna be one hell of a CSI. Don't listen to anyone who thinks any differently. Just don't change, keep being Greggo." Greg looked up and smiled at Nick, who smiled back.

"Catherine, I know I was a pain sometimes, but you're a really great boss." Catherine squeezed Nick's hand as tears fell steadily from her eyes down her cheeks.. "You're the strongest woman I've ever met...give Lindsey a hug for me." Nick squeezed Catherine's hand as she laid her head on his shoulder.

"Warrick...you're like a brother to me man. I know you well enough to know that you're thinking this is your fault, but it's not. Don't listen to what anyone else says, this is not your fault bro. I wouldn't have had it any other way. You're the best friend I've ever had...I wish I could repay you for everything you've done for me." Warrick tightened his grip on Nick's shoulders and clenched his jaw. He didn't bother wiping away the tears that were slowly falling down his cheeks.

Nick took a deep breath and said what he thought was his final goodbye. "I love you all...I'm really gonna miss you guys."

There was a click, signaling the end of the tape. Grissom leaned forward, turned off the tape recorder and put it back in his pocket. Nobody knew what to say, so they just sat there, staring at the coffee table. Catherine was still crying on Nick's shoulder as he rubbed the side of her hand with his thumb and gently kissed the top of her head. Warrick smiled reassuringly at Greg, who was trying to control the shaking of his hands. Sara and Grissom seemed to be in a trance, their faces blank. Nick looked nervously around the room, unsure of what to do next. He opened his mouth to say something, but Grissom cut him off before he could get a word out.

"I think you've done enough talking tonight Nick. I think it's our turn now." The rest of the team slowly nodded as Grissom continued. "I'm sorry you think you dissapointed me or let me down at any point in time. You never have Nick. I should have told you more often how proud I am of you."

Sara followed Grissom's cue. "I know I'm not an easy person to get along with, but you always made an extra effort to, and I'm so glad I have you as a friend."

Gregs hands stopped shaking as he looked up at Nick. "I'm sorry all the times I've given you a hard time. I've learned a lot from you. I wouldn't have had the courage to become a CSI if you hadn't helped me get out of the lab. I can't tell you how much your friendship means to me."

Nick smiled at Greg and turned as Catherine lifted her head and spoke, tears still falling. "You're the greatest guy I've ever met. You've helped more than you could ever know. I can't thank you enough for everything you've done for me." She kissed his cheek and he smiled warmly at her.

Warrick squeezed Nick's shoulder and he turned to face his best friend. "You're the best friend anyone could ever ask for bro. I don't know what I'd do without you. I've never met anyone like you before. I wouldn't be who I am today if I didn't have you by my side."

Nick smiled and looked around at his team - his second family. They all quickly glanced at each other before saying all together "We love you too Nicky."

Nick's smile grew as he stood with everyone else for a group hug.

"Anyone want anymore of Greg's coffee?" Warrick offered, breaking the building tension.

"Of course they do. Who can resist expensive coffee from Hawaii?" Greg said, glaring at Nick jokingly.

"No one, that's why I stole it genius." Nick followed Warrick into the kitchen to help with the coffee. His hands were slightly shaking as he opened the cabinet and grabbed the stolen coffee.

"You alright buddy?" Warrick asked, looking at Nick's hands.

"Yeah...I'm fine. I just remembered how scared I was that that was gonna be the last time I got to say goodbye..."

Warrick once again put his arm around Nick's shoulders, pulling him to him and kissed the side of his forehead. A few years ago, he never would have even thought about doing that, and he wouldn't do it to anyone but Nick. He didn't even think about it, it was just a reaction. "You don't have to worry about that for a long time Nicky."

**I know this contradicts Bodies in Motion, but I really wanted to know what Nick recorded on the other side of the tape, and when they didn't play it on the show, I took the liberty of filling in the blanks. Hope you enjoyed.**


	9. Works Both Ways

_Nick stared up at Warrick, Grissom, and Doc Robbins. He tried to move, tried to talk to them, but couldn't. He knew his eyes weren't really open._

_"This was not a pleasant death." Warrick and Grissom shook their heads. "The ant venom most likely made him hallucinate. In the end, he just ran out of air."_

_"Anything unsual about the body?" Grissom asked. **Oh, so since I'm dead I don't have a name anymore?**_

_"Actually, yes. On his left wrist there's a series of old and recent scars." Nick felt his left arm raise up and tried to pull it back down. He didn't want to accept the fact that he wasn't in control of his body anymore._

_"Self abuse?" Grissom asked, already knowing the answer._

_"Most likely."_

_"What a coward." Warrick said, and Grissom and Doc shook their heads in agreement. Nick tried to scream, but there was no air in his lungs. "Why didn't he just let me help him?"_

_"It's too late now." Grissom's voice faded, and everything went black._

Nick sat up and looked around him. When he realized he was once again on the couch and not in the morgue, he took a deep breath and ran a shaky hand through his hair. Just another nightmare. He looked across from him and saw Warrick asleep on the loveseat. He smiled with relief in knowing he hadn't woken him up because he had had another nightmare. He looked down at the scar that ran across his left wrist, and anger flared up inside him when he got the sudden urge to add to it. He ran his thumb back and forth over it, trying to make it disappear. He got up and silently walked into his bedroom and sat on the edge of his bed in front of his dresser. He opened the small top middle drawer. He sighed as he reached in and pulled out the crumpled pack of ciggarettes. There were only 4 left, and that made Nick angrier. There wasn't much reassurance in the fact that that pack had lasted him quite a long time. Nick titled the pack and the razor fell into his hand. He stared down at the tiny blade Jayce had given him one day when Nick was over his house.

_"Come on man. Trust me. It doesn't hurt, it makes the pain go away."_

_"I don't know J. They put people in hospitals cuz of this."_

_"Don't worry about it Nick. It'll help you more than it's gonna hurt you."_

Nick remembered how bad it stung that first time, but it had helped. Then he remembered walking into Jayce's room and seeing him lying on the floor in a pool of his own blood. He remembered how Jayce's mom hadn't even cried. He took a deep breath and put the razor on his scar, as he's done too many times before, but he didn't move it. He hated how comforting the cool blade felt. He closed his eyes and remembered how scared Warrick had been and how he had promised to stop. The image of him lying on the floor with a deep cut in his wrist and Warrick looking down at him made him start shaking. _I'm not gonna do to Warrick what Jayce did to me. Jayce was my best friend...Warrick's my brother._ _He doesn't deserve to be hurt like that._ Nick took the blade off his wrist and held it in his left hand. He looked down at the ciggarettes that were on the bed next to him. He picked them up and stared at them.

"You okay?" Nick jumped at the sound of Warrick's voice. His hand involuntarily clamped down on the razor.

"Ahh...fuck..." Nick dropped the blade onto the bed and examined the tiny cut on his palm. Warrick slowly walked over to the bed and sat down next to Nick.

"You smoke too?" Nick nodded and hung his head. "Is there anything else I should know about you? Do you have a wife and kid somewhere?"

Nick shook his head and fought back tears. "No."

"Nicky..." Warrick wrapped his arm around Nick's shoulders. "I can't help you if you don't let me."

Nick looked up at Warrick. "I wasn't gonna do it. I just had a dream that I didn't make it and Doc Robbins showed you and Grissom the scars and you got mad at me..." Nick looked back down at the floor.

"I'm not mad at you bro. I'm here to help you, no matter what. How long have you been smoking?"

Nick closed his eyes and a few tears fell down his cheeks. "Since college. It's not like I smoke a pack a day...it's not even a pack a month..."

"Just too hard to quit?"

"No, I've quit hundreds of times."

Warrick laughed. "How about you do it for good this time?"

"That's probably a good idea."

"I have an idea." Warrick got up left the room. He came back a few seconds later, and took the crumpled pack of ciggarettes and the blade from Nick. He took the last few out and threw them in the trash with the razor. He reached into his pocket and put the coin in the pack and handed it to Nick. "There ya go."

Nick smiled. "Thanks man." Warrick sat back down next to Nick.

"Ya know...I thought about suicide before." Warrick said slowly, his voice was quiet. "I never knew my dad, and my mom died when I was little. I lived with my grandmother, and I was such a burden on her...I couldn't understand why my dad wasn't around. My grams never talked about him...hated him for what he did to me and my mom. I don't get why he didn't want me..." Warrick's voice cracked and Nick felt his heart shatter. He pulled Warrick it to a tight hug.

"That was the biggest mistake of his life. He has no idea what he missed out on. You're a great guy Warrick. It's not your fault he couldn't see that."

"How did you do that?" Warrick said, pulling away from Nick.

"Do what?"

"People always told me it wasn't my fault and other bullshit, and I never believed them...but you...I can't not believe you...I'm sorry...I'm whining about someone I've never met and you've been through more than anyone and you can somehow make me feel better..."

"That's because you've helped me so much. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you. This works both ways 'Rick."

Warrick smiled. "I know." Warrick hugged his brother again before Nick stood up and stretched.

"I need food...why don't you cook us up some more of that fantastic bacon and eggs and I'll sit on the couch and wait?"

Warrick stood up next to Nick and playfully put him in a headlock. "What would my famous bacon and eggs be without your burnt toast and stolen coffee?" They went into the kitchen and made breakfast. After they ate, Warrick challenged Nick to a game of Madden 2006.

"Oh man, you know I can wreck you at this game."

"Last time was a fluke and you know it. You cheat anyways, you run the same damn play almost everytime."

"Not my fault you can't stop it..." Warrick threw a pillow at Nick and turned the PS2 on. Nick won the first game, and Warrick took the second. "Damn it." Nick said as Warrick kicked the winning field goal. "Best 2 outta 3?"

Warrick smiled. "Nah. Let's leave it in a tie."

**Sorry I brought back the 'dark Nick' again, but I only did it to show he was getting better. The actor who plays Nick recently quit smoking and I decided to give it a try. Sorry this chapter wasn't too good, I'm kinda running out of ideas. I wanna finish it up soon, I start school Wednesday. Comments and suggestions are greatly appreciated.**


	10. Controling Control

_Warrick stood at the back of the small room and watched as the line of people slowly walked past the coffin in the front of the room. It seemed like it was an endless cycle of people filing into the room, paying their respects, and taking a seat. He watched as Nick's mom gripped the edge of the coffin and sobbed uncontrolably as Judge Stokes tried to soothe her. It was strangely silent for a room filled with so many people. He turned to the door when he sensed someone looking at him, and he saw that the rest of the team had arrived. Grissom was first, followed by Sara, then Brass, Doc Robbins, Greg, and finally Catherine. He somehow made it all the way across the room to where the team was slowly making their way towards Nick. No one else came in after Warrick fell in line behind Catherine. His heart started beating faster as he got closer to the coffin. It was getting harder to breathe and his hands were shaking. Tears started falling from his eyes as he watched Grissom take Sara's hand and lead her away. Brass , Robbins and Greg followed after they said their goodbyes. Catherine broke down as soon as she looked down at Nick and Greg came back over and putting his arm around her took her to sit down. Warrick was rooted to the spot. He couldn't see inside, but he didn't want to. He was still trying to convince himself Nick was gonna walk up behind him, and they would be at someone's else's wake. He took a deep breath and walked to the side of the coffin. His vision blurred from the tears as he stared down at his best friend's lifeless face. The mortuary had done a good job of covering the ant bites on his face and neck. Warrick's legs started to give out as the image of Nick with the gun to his head flooded his head. He tightly closed his eyes. **He didn't give up. He trusted you to save him, but you were too late. This is your fault.** Warrick opened his eyes and whispered, "I'm sorry."_

Nick opened his eyes and sat up. His heartbeat slowed slightly when he realized he was in his bedroom. It was completely dark and silent, but he could have sworn he'd heard something before that made him wake up. He strained to hear something, anything, but heard nothing. He crawled out of bed and made his way towards where he thought his doorway was. After a couple steps, he walked into the side of the doorframe. His left shoulder stung from the collision and he swore under his breath. He groped the hallway wall for the lightswitch. Finally finding it, he flicked the light on. The door to the guest room across the hall from his room was slight ajar. Someone was asleep in the bed. Nick let out a breath he hadn't known he was holding when he remembered it was Warrick. _You're way to paranoid._ He sighed and turned to go into the kitchen when he heard what had woken him up.

"I'm sorry." It was barely above a whisper, but Nick was positive that's what he heard. It was coming from Warrick's assumed bedroom. Nick quietly walked into the room and sat on the edge of the bed next to Warrick, who was apparently sleeping peacefully. _I'm slowly loosing my mind._ He was about to leave when Warrick suddenly sat upright. Nick fell off the bed in surprise and landed painfully on the floor.

"Owe...damn it." Nick groaned as he slowly pulled himself back onto the bed. Relief washed over Warrick when he saw Nick.

"Oh man..." Warrick rubbed his forehead, trying to get rid of the nightmare still haunting him. He closed his eyes and tried to relax.

"You okay?" Nick asked, his voice undoubtedly filled with worry.

"Yeah...yeah, just another bad dream." Warrick opened his eyes and looked at Nick, who was obviously in pain. "What the hell happened to you?"

"I walked into my door then just fell off the bed cuz you scared the shit out of me."

Warrick laughed. "Sorry man. Didn't even know you where there."

Nick shook his head and smiled. "No problem." He looked nervously at the floor, then back up at Warrick, his smile fading into a frown. "What did you have a nightmare about?"

Warrick sighed. "Your...your w-wake." Nick silently nodded and looked away, guilt written all over his face. Warrick shifted so he was sitting next to Nick on the edge of the bed. "I'm pretty sure I'd rather stay up for the rest of my life than have another dream like that." Nick took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

"I know. Dreams suck."

Warrick let out a short laugh. "Nicely put. Are yours getting any better?"

Nick opened his eyes, but looked at the floor. "No." He said, shaking his head. "But I'm less freaked out when I wake up. I realize where I am easier...most of the time." He looked up at Warrick and he saw Nick was clearly trying not to let the images of his nightmares control his mind. "Why do they seem so real?"

Warrick wanted nothing more than to be able to answer that question, but all he could do was stare into Nick's deep brown eyes and shake his head. "I don't know buddy. I wish I did..."

Nick fell back onto the bed with a sigh. He ran his hand through his hair and took a deep breath. "I hate being so scared of something I have no control over."

"Do you remember what you told me...that day at the casino after that case with the heroin singer chick?" Warrick said, laying down next to Nick.

Nick frowned as he tried to remember. "That I was playing cards with my friend?" He asked, uncertain of what that had to do with anything.

"Yeah...but after that."

Nick shook his head. "No, I don't know what you're talking about."

"You told me quitting gambling was easier than I thought, and I said I didn't have control over it anymore. You told me that it can only control me if I let it."

Nick turned his head so he could look at Warrick. "But I don't have control over what I dream about."

"True..."

"Do you like to confuse the hell out of me?"

"Would you let me finish?" Warrick said, rolling his eyes jokingly. "You can't control your dreams, but you can control your dreams controling you." When the confusion on Nick's face increased, Warrick couldn't help but laugh. "Don't let your dreams control you. I know they scare the hell out of you, but gambling scared the hell out of me cuz I thought I couldn't control it. You may not be able to stop your nightmares, but you can stop them from controling you."

Nick smiled. "That sounds like a Grissom quote."

Warrick laughed and lightly punched Nick in the side. "I can be as insightful as Grissom. Besides, he get's all his stuff from Shakespear and Caesar."

Nick's smile grew. "Thanks bro."

Warrick sat up, followed by Nick. They shuffled into the living room and collapsed onto the couch. After a brief fight over the clicker, which Warrick won, they watched the images on the screen flash as Warrick flipped through the channels, looking for anything remotely interesting. When he couldn't find anything, Warrick dropped the clicker on the floor with a sigh. They sat in silence for a while, before the question that had been burning in Warrick's mind for over three weeks finally broke through his lips without him even realizing it.

"What was it like?"

Nick's eyes narrowed and his brow furrowed. "What?"

Warrick's heart skipped a couple beats when he realized what he'd said. "Sorry, I didn't even realize...I was just uh..."

"It's okay man."

Warrick took a deep breath and laughed nervously. "Just watching you on that screen and seeing how scared you were...there was nothing I could do...and all I kept thinking was it should have been me and that was the last time I was ever gonna see you..."

Nick cut him off. "But it wasn't, because you saved me."

Warrick looked at Nick and was thankful he could easily read Nick's eyes because he knew it was okay to ask again. "What..._was_ it like?"

Nick was surprised at how steady his voice was. "It was one of the worst feelings I've ever had. I was so confused at first...then when I realized what was going on I freaked. I hated not being able to sit up or move my arms and legs...then that stupid message didn't help. It wouldn't have been as bad if I hadn't panicked...slowly suffocating is not the best way to die. It was all just one horrible feeling...not being able to breathe, move..."

"I'm so sorry...you have no idea Nick. I wish it could have been..."

Nick cut him off once again. "No, don't say that...don't even think that. I wouldn't change a thing. I would do it all again if it meant you didn't have to ever feel like that."

Warrick fought back the tears that were threatening to rush from his eyes. "I'm almost pretty sure nothing could ever feel worse than watching your best friend suffer right in front of you."

Nick smiled. "Leave it in a tie?" He said, holding up his fist.

Warrick mirrored Nick's grin. "As always." He said, hitting his fist against Nick's before pulling him into another brotherly hug.

**Sorry this took so long to update, but the first week of school is always very hectic. I'm hoping to finish this story up soon with a couple more chapters.**


	11. Uncle Nicky

_"Warrick...you're like a brother to me man. I know you well enough to know that you're thinking this is your fault, but it's not. Don't listen to what anyone else says, this is not your fault bro. I wouldn't have had it any other way. You're the best friend I've ever had...I wish I could repay you for everything you've done for me." Warrick felt his heart trying to break through his ribs and he could barely breathe. "I love you all...I'm really gonna miss you guys." The tape ended. Grissom led a hysterical Sara out of the A/V lab into the breakroom. Catherine was clinging to Greg as if her life depended on it, and Greg's hands were shaking violently. Warrick just stared down at the tape recorder in front of him. His entire body felt numb and his lungs refused to take in any air._

_Catherine put her hand on his shoulder. "He's right. This isn't your fault."_

_Warrick wanted to argue, but couldn't force the words from his mouth, so he just got up and somehow made it into the locker room without collapsing. He sat down on the bench in front of his locker, but was looking at the one next to his. Nick's. He reached over and spun in the combination he knew almost better than his own. He struggled taking the lock off because his hands were numb and he couldn't kept them steady. Once it was off, he slowly swung the door open. Nick's scent seemed to instantly fill the room and Warrick felt like slamming the door closed but then he saw the picture of him and Nick taken at Lindsey's birthday party last year and smiled. His arm was around the Texan's shoulder and they were laughing at Greg and Grissom fighting over whose present for Lindsey was the best. Warrick had the same picure in his locker as well. His eyes fell on to the one below that, of the whole team at a diner. Tears started falling from Warrick's eyes as he stared at Nick's smiling face. Last night he had seen someone who looked like Nick, but coulnd't possibly be him. This guy was covered in fire ant bites and buried underground, the color drained from his face. Not the guy smiling back at him in the picture. Warrick's fingers were sore from clawing the dirt away from Nick's grave. He tried to shake the image of hauling Nick out of the ground from his mind, but couldn't. He felt like it was happening all over again. He ran to Nick's side and pulled his back up against his chest and tried to wake him up._

_"Wake up Nicky! Come on man, you gotta wake up!" Nick's eyes slowly opened and he looked up at Warrick._

_"I'm...sorry." It sounded nothing like Nick. The voice was hollow and distant. Nick's eyes slowly closed and he died right there, in Warrick's arms._

_"Wake up! You can't leave me bro...please wake up..."_

"Wake up." Nick shook Warrick's shoulder gently, trying to wake his best friend up from the nightmare. "Warrick, you can wake up, it's okay man just wake up." Warrick's eyes opened and darted around the room before focusing on Nick. "It was just a nightmare bro."

Warrick sat up and realized he was in Nick's guest room. He took a deep, shaky breath. "Fuck nightmares."

"My thoughts exactly."

Warrick took a deep breath. "We listened to the tape...then I went to the locker room and looked at the pictures in your locker then had a flashback or something to when we pulled you out but then you wouldn't wake up..." Nick wasn't sure what to say. He wished he could make Warrick feel better like he always did whenever Nick had a nightmare, but he was always at a loss of words and it was killing him. Warrick noticed Nick's frusterated expression and felt guilty for making him feel bad. "It's not your fault I have nightmares Nicky. You don't have to say anything, you just being okay is enough."

Nick shook his head. "I want to help...I just don't know what to do anymore."

_Stupid dreams...stupid Walter Gordon..._ "It's okay Nick."

"I just hate..." Nick's voice trailed off and Warrick got the feeling this wasn't gonna be good.

"What?" Warrick gently squeezed Nick's shoulder.

Nick hung his head. "I hate being me."

Warrick was unsure of what to say, but he knew he had to say something. "I don't think you're seeing the big picture."

Nick looked up at Warrick with obvious confusion. "Ya know...for a CSI...you really don't make much s-"

Warrick smiled. "Yeah yeah I know...I don't make any sense...but you never seem to let me finish...but anyway...you look at all the bad things that has ever happened to you, which is understandable...but you don't realize what a great guy you are."

"Cuz I complain too much."

"Actually, you don't complain, which is surprising. I bitch about my pen running out of ink. Nobody could have gone through what you have and made it this far. I'd fight anyone on that."

Nick smiled, but only briefly. "Why can't I ever get over anything?"

"Why would you want to?"

"Okay, I let you finish that time..."

"You just don't understand my philosophies."

"Not many people would man."

Warrick laughed before explaining. "If you get over something, it means that it didn't really affect you."

"No..." Nick was still pretty confused. "It means your weak and pathetic."

"Wrong again. People who easily get over something didn't care too much about it, or don't care about anything at all. You have the biggest heart in anyone I've ever seen, so you care about people and things. Not getting over something doesn't make you weak, it makes you strong."

"Maybe it's those stupid pills I have to keep taking...but my head hurts...and I'm pretty sure it's from all your philosophies."

Warrick smiled. No matter what the situation, Nick was always being Nick. "Have you ever heard the expression what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger?"

"Yeah...but..."

"But nothing. After everything that happens to you, you get stronger wether you want to admit it or not. Anyone else would break down and give up."

"Yeah...right...cuz I've never broken down or tried to give up."

"Exactly."

"I was being sarcastic."

"It's not sarcasm if you're right. Have you ever given up?"

"Well...depends on-"

Warrick cut him off. "It's a yes or no question Nicky."

"I guess not..."

"That's a no. You may have felt like giving up, but you never have and I know you never will. It's not you. And you just can't break down."

"No...I'm pretty sure that's a good possibility..."

"I won't let you."

Nick's smile returned. "This is gonna sound crazy..."

"Most of what you say is crazy to some degree." Warrick teased, receiving a glare followed by a smile from his best friend.

"This definitly fits that criteria...but...I think I'm the luckiest guy in the world." Nick laughed at his own statement. "Now I'm confusing myself...is that not the most hipocritical thing you've ever heard? I've been molested...stalked...buried alive...but having a best friend like you balances it out."

Warrick nodded and smiled. "I know what you mean." Nick looked like he was about to say something, but was interrupted by his cell phone ringing loudly. "I have my money on Catherine."

"I'd take you up on that, but you have a gambling problem..." Warrick threw a pillow at Nick's back as he ran out of the room to find his phone. He searched his room, but came up empty handed. "Where the hell is it?"

"Follow the ringing genius. How hard is it to find a phone?"

"Pretty hard...gotcha!" Nick found his phone under the couch and quickly answered it, a little out of breath from sprinting down the hall. "Hello? Oh, hey Catherine..."

"You owe me 20 bucks." Warrick said as he walked past Nick and into the kitchen.

"Warrick's a tool...yeah, I know...so what's up? Yeah, that sounds good...we've ordered pizza and chinsese food for the last week and I think the delivery guys are getting sick of us...okay, see ya soon." Nick hung up and went into the kitchen to find Warrick looking in the fridge at the empty coke bottle.

"Why do you put it back when it's empty?"

"To remind me to get more."

"How's that workin out for ya?"

Nick tried to fight back a smile. "Not so good, actually."

Warrick laughed and leaned against the fridge. "So what's up with Catherine?"

"Well, she figured we would need food, and Lindsey wanted to visit, so they're coming over for dinner."

"Dinner? What time is it?"

The realization had just dawned on Nick as well. "Uhhh...dinner time?"

"Nothing gets past you." Warrick turned and looked at the clock hanging in Nick's kitchen. It read quarter of 6. "Didn't we go to bed at like 11:30 last night?"

"Yeah...after the Daily Show." Nick answered.

"Man, we're gonna be so messed up when we have to go back to work."

"Yeah, cuz we never get messed up with sleep with our work...no, never ever..."

"It's not my fault you have insomnia bro." Warrick jabbed playfully.

"Actually, it is." Nick shot back.

"How so?" Nick didn't have to repsond. The doorbell rang and Nick quickly left the kitchen to answer it. "That's what I thought buddy."

Nick opened the door and had absolutly no time to react as Lindsey attempted to tackled him. "Uncle Nicky!"

Nick smiled as he tried to catch his breath. "Owe...hey Linds, how are you?"

"Good, are you feeling better?"

"Yes I am, although I think you may have broken one of my ribs..."

Catherine smiled as she entered the house, quickly kissing Nick on the cheek before bringing the food into the kitchen. When she came back in with Warrick, Lindsey was still clinging to Nick's waist. "Hey Linds." Warrick said, and Lindsey released her death grip on Nick and ran towards Warrick. He had more time to prepare for impact than Nick, but still grunted when Lindsey threw herself at him. "Nice to see you too."

"She should play football Cath." Nick said as he sat down on the couch next to her. "So what's for dinner?"

"I tired to make soup..." Lindsey said, coming over and plopping down next to Nick. "But I kinda burnt it..."

Warrick laughed. "Don't worry, Nick can't cook either. He burnt the tea kettle."

"You told me there was water in it." Nick said defensively.

Catherine smiled and looked at Lindsey. "See sweetie, this is why we don't let guys cook...or 12 year olds..."

Nick shook his head. "I don't need to know how to cook. I'm smart. You and Warrick can both cook, and I know how to order food very well, so I'm all set." He turned to Lindsey. "You don't need to either...just marry a cook."

Catherine and Warrick both laugh at that comment. "Nice advice uncle Nicky." Catherine teased.

"I think it makes sense." Lindsey says giggling.

"So since the soup backfired as if Nick were cooking it...what are we actually gonna eat?" Warrick asked, obviously pretty hungry.

"Spaghetti and meatballs." Catherine answered, getting up to go get it started.

"I'll help, considering these 2 are incompetant." Warrick said, following Catherine into the kitchen.

"Whatever bro, we don't want to cook anyway." Nick said, dodging a pillow thrown by Warrick. The pillow bounced off Lindsey's head, and she picked it up and hit Nick with it. Nick grabbed the pillow from her and threw it on the chair. "I don't want to loose another pillow fight." Lindsey laughed, then fell silent. She looked like she wanted to say something, but didn't want to or didn't know how to say it. "What's wrong Linds?"

Lindsey looked down at the floor and swung her feet back and forth. "Nothing..." she said quietly.

"You're so lying. It's okay, you can tell me." Nick said softly, putting his hand on her arm.

"I just...well my mom told me when you got kidnapped...and I was really scared cuz I already lost my dad once...I didn't want to lose you too..."

Nick swallowed the lump in his throat and gently brushed the light blonde hair from Lindsey's face. "It's okay Lindsey, I'm safe. I'm not going anywhere, okay?"

Lindsey looked up at Nick. "You promise?"

Nick smiled. "I promise. I'll always be here for you, and so will Warrick and obviously your mom. There's nothing to worry about."

Lindsey smiled and hugged Nick. "Thank you."

"Anytime sweetie." He let go of Lindsey and playfully ruffled her hair. She giggled and grabbed his arm with both hands and tried to hold it down, but he lifted it over his head, taking Lindsey with it.

"Not fair, you're too strong." She said laughing. She let go and fell back onto the couch. Nick picked her up off the couch and carried her into the kitchen. "What are you doing?" Lindsey said through her fit of laughter.

"Don't worry about it." Nick lifted her by her hips on top of the fridge and stepped back as she tried to kick him. "I'll leave you up there forever."

"No you won't, I can jump down too ya know."

"He'll just put you back up there." Warrick said.

Catherine smiled. She was overjoyed to see Nick was better, and so was Lindsey. She'd been having a rough time the last few years after losing her dad, but Nick and Warrick had been there the whole time for both of them. She was sure that no matter what, everything was gonna be okay. It always was.


	12. First Night Back

_"It was Christmas in Las Vegas when the locals take the town..." Nick's own raspy voice surrounded him in his plexiglass confinement. He was finding anything he could to pass the time. The watch on his left wrist seemed to weigh a ton, but he refused to look at it. It seemed like he had been in there for days, and the last thing he needed was to look at his watch and see that it had only been 5 minutes...or in fact days. **They're gonna find me. I have the best CSI team in the country looking for me...right? They have to know I'm gone...of course they do**. "Theresa hit a streak and laid her waitress' apron down...she'd been playin penny poker over at the ol' Gold Spike...she won at Texas Hold'em, and again at Let It Ride..." Nick tightly shut his eyes and told himself when he opened them again, he was gonna be at home in his bed and this was all gonna be a very bad dream. He slowly opened his eyes, but closed them again when he saw the green glowing sticks. His kindapper's words seemed to be on repeat in his mind. 'You're gonna die here.' Nick shook his head. "No...no, I'm not." he said aloud. 'Put the gun in your mouth, and pull the trigger.' "Fuck you! Shut up!" Nick slammed his fist down on the tape recorder and tried to get his breathing under control. "This is a dream. I can wake up...this isn't real." He squeezed his eyes shut as tight as he could and clenched his jaw. **Wake up...I can wake up...I'm safe...this is just a dream...**_

Nick opened his eyes. The setting sun came in through his open window, and a cool breeze blew over him. He couldn't help but smile. "It was just a dream..." he said softly. He sighed and ran his hand through his damp hair. He looked at the clock on his bedside table. 7:23. He layed back down and stared up at his ceiling. His head was racing as the haunting memories tried to overtake his mind. They all seemed to flash at once...the babysitter...Kristy dying...the window...Crane...the box. "It's over." He said aloud to himself. "The hardest part is over...I think..."

"Talking to yourself now Nicky?" Nick shot upright at the sudden voice coming from his doorway. He smiled when he saw Warrick leaning against the doorframe.

"Yeah...I guess I am."

Warrick laughed. "Goofball." Nick got up and stretched, allowing a yawn to escape from his lips. "So you're sure you're up to go back to work tonight?"

Nick grinned. "Yepp. If I have to stay here one more night, I'm pretty sure I'm gonna loose it."

"How could you tell?" Warrick teased, and Nick stuck his tongue out at him. "Nice. Acting like a 5 year old...real mature."

"Whatever old man."

Warrick shook his head. "I'm only a year older than you smart ass."

"Still older." Nick said as he walked past Warrick, who playfully pushed him into the wall and walked by him. "Tool." Nick yelled after him before he turned into the bathroom. He jumped in the shower and stood under the hot water, allowing it to fully wake him up.

The door opened and Warrick stuck his head in. "Hey, you want a burger?"

"Yeah, and actually cook it this time. I don't want it to still be mooing at me while I eat it."

Warrick didn't reply to that comment. Instead, he walked over to the sink and turned the hot water on. He silently counted to 10, and laughed when he heard Nick yell.

"Son of a bitch that's cold...real funny Warrick. And that's mature?"

"You know better than to mess with me man." Warrick said as he turned the water off.

"Yeah, but it's still fun."

Warrick smiled and left, going through the kitchen onto the patio. He threw the burgers onto the grill and went back into the kitchen. His cell phone rang, and he clipped it off his belt and laughed when he saw the caller ID.

"Nick owes me another 20 bucks." he said before flipping the phone open. "Hello?"

"Hey Warrick."

"Hey Cath, what's up?"

"Not too much...you guys still coming in tonight?"

"Yeah." Warrick said, noting the worry in Catherine's voice.

"Thought so..." she said, her voice trailing off a little.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing...I'm just worried about Nick. I don't want him to come back too soon, ya know? It's only been a month and a half...I know I'd still be freaking out. I don't want him to get worn down."

"I know." Warrick sighed. "I'm just glad he's coming back at all."

"What do you mean?" Catherine asked.

"Well...damn it..." Warrick was mad at himself for letting it slip. He knew he couldn't slide this past Catherine, but he also trusted her and knew Nick did too. "He was gonna quit...but he changed his mind."

"Thank God...althought I'm not sure I would have blamed him."

"I still would have been pissed."

"That's not fair, Warrick."

"I know...not at him, just in general. He has no idea how much we need him. I couldn't do anything without him."

"He knows that." Catherine paused for a second, then continued. "We need to make sure tonight goes perfectly...well, as perfect as being a CSI can be."

"We can't map it out Cath." Warrick said.

"I know that. I mean, like making sure he's really okay without constantly asking him, and making sure no one's talking about what happened, especially since half of it isn't true."

"Yeah, good point. I swear I'll kill the first person who makes a stupid joke or says something idiotic...like Hodges or something."

Catherine let out a short laugh. "Surpringly, he's been asking how he's been doing and sticking up for him when some tech spreads rumors. Dayshift's the worst though."

Warrick knew he'd regret asking this, but he had to know. "What have they been saying?"

Catherine sighed. "Stupid stuff. They know the beginning, how he was kidnapped at the scene and everything..." the memory of showing up and finding Nick's vest on the ground sent shudders through Catherine's whole body. "But the rest got lost in transit. The team and Ecklie are really the only ones who know the truth...and Archie, Hodges, Doc and David. Dayshift CSIs and techs somehow think that Nick tried to jump out of the box as soon as we opened it so he could blow us all up...that he had the gun pointed at you...and we should have been able to find him sooner and they could have done a better job than we did."

Warrick's jaw dropped. "That's so fucking stupid. Why would Nick do that?"

"I don't know. They've been whispering about it for the past month, they just won't shut up."

"Stupid lab gossip...if it had been anyone else, they wouldn't have been able to control themselves like Nick had before we figured out how to get him outta there. Why doesn't Grissom say something to them?"

"He told Ecklie, who supposedly 'took care of it.' But who knows, people just don't listen."

Warrick shook his head. "Is everyone else working tonight?"

"Yeah."

"Good. I gotta go finish cooking the burgers, I'll see ya tonight."

"Alright. See you guys soon. Bye."

"Bye Cath." Warrick closed his phone and clipped it back onto his belt. He went back outside and flipped the burgers. He stared blankly at the grill. The stupid rumors really made him mad. _Why would they make stuff like that up? Anyone who knows Nick even a little bit knows nothing could be farther from the truth. They weren't even there...they have no right._ Warrick took a deep breath and cleared his head. _Forget about what they said and make sure you're there for Nick, make sure nothing bad happens tonight. Don't let him down again._ By now the burgers were sizzling and a crispy dark brown. As if on cue, Nick came outside with a cherry coke and a beer. He handed the beer to Warrick, who frowned.

Nick smiled slightly. "Just cuz I can't drink doesn't mean you can't."

"Yes it does." Warrick walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge. He replaced the beer with a cherry coke, and returned to the patio, sitting across from Nick. "We're in this together buddy."

Nick's smile grew and he leaned back against his chair and took a sip of his coke. Warrick got up and took the burgers off the grill, putting them on buns and plates. He sat back down and handed one to Nick, who nodded his thanks. They ate silently for a few minutes. Warrick could tell Nick was starting to get nervous, he could see it in his eyes.

"You okay man?" Warrick asked.

Nick looked up and nodded. "Yeah...yeah, I'm okay."

"Which means...you're not okay."

Nick smiled nervously. "I'm fine."

"You know what fine stands for. Freaked out, insecure, neurotic, and emotional."

Nick laughed slightly. "Yeah, I know. I saw the Italian Job."

Warrick put down his burger and sighed. "You don't have to prove anything to anyone Nicky."

"I know that..." Warrick knew he was definitly lying. "I'm just a little nervous." Another lie.

"Everything's gonna be fine. You've done this a million times. After an hour or 2, it'll be just like any other night at work." Nick nodded, but didn't seem to believe it. "I'll be there the whole time bro." This made them both feel better.

Nick sighed. "Yeah. You're right. What can go wrong?"

* * *

An hour later, they walked into CSI and headed for the break room. A few people glanced up at Nick, and some even whispered, but luckily Nick didn't seem to notice. They walked in and saw Greg fighting with the coffee maker, and losing. Nick clapped him on the shoulder as he walked up behind him.

"Greggo...you gotta plug it in man."

Greg looked at the cord dangling off the edge of the counter. He took a deep breath and hugged Nick. "Thank God you guys are back."

Nick and Warrick both laughed and sat at the table with Greg. Catherine came in and greeted them with a wide smile. "Hey guys." She looked over at the counter and frowned. "Greg, the coffee isn't done yet?"

Greg glared at her and Nick chuckled. "He had a little trouble turning it on..."

"Cuz it wasn't plugged in." Warrick finished with a laugh. Greg rolled his eyes, but smiled. Sara came in looking pretty frusterated, but brightened up when she saw Nick and Warrick sitting at the table with Greg and Catherine.

"Welcome back guys." She said warmly. "Greg...when's the coffee-"

"Shut up about the stupid coffee!" Greg said loudly, and Catherine, Nick and Warrick smirked.

"You forgot to plug it in again, didn't you?" Sara said.

Greg hung his head and nodded. Grissom walked in with the assignement slips. "Saved by Grissom." Greg said a little too happily.

Grissom gave Greg one of his questioning looks, then shook his head. "Hello everyone. We have a fairly busy night. Greg, you and Sara have a B&E over at the Tangiers, Vega's waiting for you."

Greg looked pleading at Nick and Warrick, who waved and said in unison, "Have fun Greggo." Greg glared at them and followed Sara out of the break room.

"Catherine, you and I have a double homicide in Henderson."

Catherine nodded. "I'll drive." She said as she took the slip from Grissom.

"And you two," he said, looking at Nick and Warrick, "have a 419 at the Bellagio." He handed the slip to Warrick, and they all jumped when they heard Ecklie's voice.

"Stokes, can I see you for a minute?"

Nick held back the sigh and nodded. "Sure." He followed Ecklie down the hall into his office.

Grissom turned back to Warrick. "Keep an eye on him tonight for me, okay?"

"Sure thing."

"If he looks out of it or anything..."

Warrick shook his head in understanding. "I know."

"Okay...I wanna talk to him after Ecklie. Who knows what he's gonna say to him."

"Have a seat, Nick." Nick sat down in front of Ecklie's desk as he walked around and sat in his oversized leather chair. "How have you been doing?"

Nick shrugged. "Good."

"Good. You're sure you're ready to come back? I can't have half a CSI out there."

"I'm fi- I'm okay."

"Alright. Just let me know if you need anymore time off, okay?"

Nick was a little shocked. _Does Ecklie have a heart?_ "Uhhh...thanks, will do." He got up and left. He hadn't taken 3 steps before Grissom was calling him into his office. "I feel like a kid being sent to the principal's office." He said with a smile as he sat down, this time in front of Grissom.

"I'm sure you were always at the principal's." Grissom said jokingly. Nick was a lot more comfortable with Grissom than Ecklie...Grissom had never suspected him of murder. "It's good to have you back Nicky."

"Thanks, it's good to be back."

Grissom nodded before continuing. "You have to promise me that you'll let me or Warrick know if this is too much, okay?"

"I promise. I think I'm gonna be okay though. I'm not nervous anymore."

"That's good. Just take it easy, don't push it. I know it's been over a month, but that's not the longest period of time though it seems it."

"I know."

"Alright. Let me know if you need anything. Warrick's waiting for you in the car."

"Thanks Griss." Nick said before getting up and heading out into the parking lot. He waved to Archie before exiting into the cool Vegas night. He hopped into the passneger side of Warrick's Denali and took a deep breath.

"You ready?"

"Yepp. Let's go." Warrick started the car and pulled out of the parking lot. They drove in silence for a few minutes before Warrick asked, "What did Ecklie have to say?"

Nick smiled, and that surprised Warrick. "He wanted to make sure I was okay cuz he didn't want to have only half a CSI...then he said if I needed anymore time off to just ask."

Warrick's jaw slightly dropped. "Wow. Ya know, he was really helpful when you were kidnapped. He was pissed when the city wouldn't fund the ransom."

"Dracula has a heart." Warrick laughed and reached for the stereo and turned it on. His heart skipped several beats as the lyrics flooded from the speakers.

_**"You can try to please me, but it won't be easy. Stone walls surround me, I'm surprised that you even found me..."**_

Warrick looked over at Nick, who was looking out the windsheild._ Does he not hear this? Why is he not...he doesn't know...he wasn't there..._

_**"And you don't stand an outside chance, you don't stand an outside chance, but you can try..."**_

Warrick's hand shot forward and practically punched the power button on the radio. Nick flinched and stared wide eyed at his best friend.

"Not a Turtles fan?" he asked cautiously.

Warrick barely heard him. The same line kept repeating over and over in his head.

_**"You don't stand an outside chance..."**_

He remebered Grissom clicking the '_Watch'_ button, and the image of Nick underground filled the screen. He'll never forget the feeling when the realization of what was happening to his brother set it. He seemed to have forgotten how to breathe.

Nick worriedly looked at Warrick. "Warrick..." When he didn't respond, he reached over and touched his shoulder, but instantly retracted his hand when Warrick flinched away. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

Warrick heard Nick, but couldn't form any words. He couldn't shake the memory of seeing Nick like that. Being alive, but looking so...dead.

"Warrick! Talk to me man! You're scaring me bro."

Warrick finally remembered how to speak. He turned and looked at Nick. "S-sorry Nick..."

That wasn't too reassuring. "Feel like sharing why you tried to beat up the radio then spaced out?"

Warrick took a deep breath and looked back at the road. "That was...Gordon sent..."

Out of the corner of his eye, Warrick saw Nick noticably tense at the mention of Gordon's name, but his voice was surpringly steady. "What? What did he send?"

"He sent the zip drive that was linked to the camera above you...and a tape..." He didn't have to finish, Nick instantly understood, but Warrick continued. "The tape had that song on it... he was screwing with us...like it was funny...it was still playing when we first saw you...there..." his voice trailed off and he fell silent.

Now Nick felt like punching the radio. _Damn Turtles..._ He hung his head. "It's amazing how little things like that can do the most damage." he said quietly.

Warrick glanced at Nick, then back at the road, even though the traffic was pretty heavy. "What happened...that wasn't a little thing Nick."

"I know...I mean...little things make you think about horrible bigger things..." Nick shook his head. "I don't know. I just wish it would all go away."

"Me too buddy."

Nick sighed. "But everything's gonna be okay." he said with a smile.

" 'Atta boy Nicky." Warrick said as they pulled into the Bellaggio parking lot. They headed up to the 5th floor where their dead body was. Warrick was surprised at how well Nick handled the elevator ride. He hadn't even realized it could be a problem until too late, but Nick seemed okay. They got off and took a right, turning the corner. They saw a few cops and people in hotel rooms sticking their head out of their doors trying to see what was going on. They walked up to the police officers standing outside the door, and a few of them gave Nick a dirty look. Officer Michaels had gotten into a lot of trouble for what had happened to Nick, and apparently they thought it was Nick's fault. One of them opened his mouth to say something, but was cut off by a firm voice from behind Nick and Warrick.

"You don't have anything to say to him, so I highly suggest you shut your mouth and go get the surveillance tapes before we have an accident." The 2 CSIs turned to see Brass, a stern expression on his face. The officer gave Nick another look, then left. Nick watched him leave before turning to Brass. A smile had appeared, and he clapped Nick on the shoulder. "Nice to see ya kid."

Nick returned the smile. "Yeah, same here."

Brass sighed. "Sorry about that...he's friends with Michaels."

"Don't worry about it, it's not a big d-"

"No, it is. He has no right to say anything along the lines of what I'd bet my badge he was gonna say." Nick nodded, and Brass' tone lightened a little. "So how are you doing Nicky?"

"Better." He said simply.

"Good." Brass answered. "I still think about it everyday...seems so unreal. One of the worst days of my life..." Brass bit the side of his lip, then switched into Captain Brass-working-a-case-mode. "Alright...DB's an 11 year old boy, found by the room service guy."

Nick and Warrick smiled at Brass' behavoir. He could swtich gears quicker than anyone they knew. "Wait..." Warrick looked a little confused.

"What was an 11 year old kid doing alone in a Bellagio hotel room?" Nick asked before Warrick could get it out.

"That," Brass said, "is an excellent question. Shall we go find out?" he said, motioning to a guy younger than both CSIs and a women who couldn't have been over 26. _The kid's parents._ Nick thought solemnly. _Better get this over with..._

He started walking over towards the parents, but Warrick grabbed his arm. "You sure you can handle this?"

Nick would have been pissed if anyone else had asked him, but he was glad Warrick did. "Yeah, I'll be fine. Done it a million times."

"Yeah, and it's either ended with you beating up a door or holding a 17 year old up against a wall by the throat." Warrick said matter of factly.

Nick sighed. "Yeah...I know. I'll be good, I promise."

"Alright, if you say so, I believe you." Warrick glanced over at the kid's parents, then back at Nick. "You want them or the kid?"

Nick thought for a second, then answered. "I'll talk to the parents, then help you with the scene."

"Sounds good." Warrick squeezed Nick's arm before going into the hotel room, and Nick headed over to the parents with Brass.

"Hi, I'm Nick Stokes from the crime lab, and this is Detective Brass." Nick said, extending his hand to the father, then mother, who shook it weakly.

"We're Alex's parents." The boy's father said.

"I'm gonna have to ask you a few questions...I know this isn't the best time, but we need to know what you know." They just nodded slowly. "Mr..."

"Collins, you can call me Bryan."

"Okay, Bryan...what was Alex doing alone?"

Bryan Collins took a deep breath. "We went down to the casino after bringing Alex back up after dinner. He wasn't feeling good and wanted to go to sleep, and we lost track of time...we always left him home alone, he was very responsible for his age..."

Nick nodded. "Did you see anyone at dinner that looked suspicious or anything?"

Mrs. Collins shook her head. "No...we have no idea who would do this to Alex...he was such a good boy..." Bryan wrapped his arm around his wife's shoulders as she cried against his chest.

"It's okay Sam, they're gonna find out who did this..."

Brass jumped into the conversation. "Did Alex order room service?"

Bryan shrugged. "I don't know, he could have. He didn't eat much at dinner, said he had a headache, maybe he got hungry..."

Sam shook her head firmly. "No, he would never do that. He knew not to trust strangers, and wouldn't have opened the door anyone."

Nick looked at Brass, then back at the Collins'. "Okay, that's all for now. Thank you for your help, and I'm very sorry for your loss."

They just nodded and Nick and Brass walked away. "So what do you think?" Brass asked.

"I don't know...not much to go on. The kid could have ordered room service...and the killer could have knocked on the door, and thinking it was the food the kid could have opened the door and been jumped. Kids aren't predictable like their parents think they are."

"Everyone has the best kid in the world." Brass said sadly. "I'll get the phone records from the front desk." He turned and walked in the opposite direction as Nick headed into the hotel room. Alex was laying on his back on the floor at the foot of the bed. There was deep bruising around his neck and wrists. Dave was taking his liver temp and looked up when he heard Nick walk up next to him.

"Hey Nick..." he said nervously, and Nick gave him a curious look.

"Hey Super Dave...something wrong?"

Dave looked away quickly, then back at Nick. "I'm sorry...if I had gotten to the crime scene faster you wouldn't have been alone...I'm really s-

Nick shook his head and smiled. "Woah woah woah...man, that was so not your fault. I can't believe you even think that. It's okay, there was nothing you could do."

"But if I-"

"It's okay man, trust me." Nick said, laughing a little.

David sighed with relief. "I just...welcome back Nick."

Nick laughed again. "Thanks Super Dave. So what's the TOD?"

"About 3 hours ago...around 9 o'clock."

Nick frowned. "But the kid's parents said they brought him back up here after dinner and he wasn't feeling good...so he called for room service right after?"

Warrick appeared from the bathroom and jumped into the conversation. "Maybe he just wanted to get away from his parents, kids can be sneaky."

Nick nodded, accepting the theory. "Yeah...that's true. Looks like he was strangled." he said, noticing the deep bruise around Alex's neck.

"I'd say so." David agreed. "There are some scratches on his neck and what look like defensive wounds on his wrists."

"Yeah, and I got some dark blue fibers that were on his shirt...and a little under 200 fingerprints."

Nick sighed. "Awesome." he said sarcastically.

They processed the scene for another 2 hours, and didn't find much more other than a sock behind the tv and some blood on the rug near Alex's body. "Let's get all this stuff back to the lab." Warrick said, and Nick followed him back down to the car. They rode back to the lab in a comfortable silence, and slowly made their way from the parking lot into the lab. "You bring this to trace, and I'll go to DNA?"

"Sounds good." Nick said, taking the samples from Warrick and heading off towards the trace lab. He walked through the doors and laughed as he saw Hodges struggling with a jar. Hodges looked up at Nick.

"Hey Nick." he said awkwardly.

"Hey Hodges...need some help?"

"No." Hodges said, but handed the empty evidence jar to Nick anyway.

Nick easily opened it, and handed it back to him. "I loosened it..." Hodges said quietly.

"Your welcome."

"Anytime...what else can I do for you?"

Nick handed Hodges the evidence bag with the blue fibers and the sock. "Do what you do best man."

Hodges accepted the bags and smiled. "I do do it the best..."

Nick smiled and turned to leave. He was halfway out the door before Hodges stopped him. "Hey...uh, Nick?"

Nick turned and re-entered the trace lab. "Yeah?"

Hodges shifted uncomfortably and looked down at the counter in front of him. "I'm sorry about what happened and wanted to apologize for being a jerk to you all those times...I really did hate it when you were kidnapped...I know we're not friends or anything but I still care." he said in that Hodges tone he has whenever he says something people won't tend to believe.

Nick smiled. "Thanks Hodges...and I'm sorry I never made it easy to get along with me."

Hodges shook his head. "You get along with everyone, it's my fault."

"Whatever," Nick said, turning, but before he left, he turned back. "We're still friends." he said with a shrug and a smirk. Hodges started analyzing Nick's samples as soon as he left.

Brass quickened his pace when he saw Nick start heading the other way, and quickly caught up to him. "Hey Nicky." he said.

"Hey Brass, what's up?"

"I got the surveillance tapes, Archie's waiting for you in the AV lab. And I gave Warrick the phone records."

"Alright, thanks man." Nick took a quick right and walked into the AV lab. Archie was watching the elevator tape as a young couple made use of the long ride. "I knew you took this boring job for a reason Arch." Nick said as he pulled up a chair next to Archie.

Archie nodded. "It definitly has its perks."

Nick laughed. "So anything interesting on these tapes...other than this?"

"The parents brought the kid back up to the room at 7:52 pm...then went back down at 8:47 pm."

"Okay...what time did the room service guy go up?"

Archie frowned. "10:32..."

Nick shook his head. "The TOD was around 9 o'clock...how can a dead kid call for room service?"

"He obviously can't." Nick and Archie turned to see Warrick walk in. He handed a folder to Nick, who opened it to see the phone records. "The call was palced at 10:06 from the phone in the pool area."

"The killer." Nick said, scanning the phone records.

Archie had turned his attention back to the surveillance tapes. "Guys...no one was in the elevator or hallway in between the time the parents left and the room service guy went upstairs..."

Nick looked up at Warrick, who sighed. "Well...now we have some suspects." his beeper went off, and he motioned for Nick to follow him. "Doc's ready with the kid in autopsy, keep looking will ya Archie?"

"Sure thing guys." Nick waved his thanks as they left for the morgue. Archie took a deep breath and tried to relax. _Nick's fine...you don't have to see him suffer on every available computer monitor anymore._ He knew it was gonna be awhile before those haunting minutes of not knowing wether Nick made it out alive or not when the camera lost the feed would leave his mind. He never thought he'd be so glad to see Hodges sprint into his lab as he yelled, "They got him! He's okay!" Archie remebered the wave of relief that had washed over him. He cringed when he thought about how he had to document the whole time Nick was in there. He had filed it under 'N' in his computer. Not for 'N. Stokes'...for 'Never ever want to see ever again.'

* * *

Nick and Warrick walked up to the side of the examination table across from Doc Robbins, who was examining the boy's left wrist. He looked up when he heard the CSIs.

"Good evening gentlemen." he greeted, smiling at the younger guys.

"Hey Doc." Nick responded, smiling as well.

Robbins fought back the image of Nick laying on his autospy table, an image that had plagued his mind since Nick had been taken. "Good to see you Nick, how are you?"

"Great, thanks Doc."

"I'm fine too, thanks for asking." Warrick said jokingly.

Doc Robbins laughed, then turned back to the body. "COD is asphyxiation due to strangulation. He has some fresh defensive wounds on his wrists and arms, and some faint scars on his hips and shoulders. They look like scratches from a house pet or fingernails maybe, a few days old at least."

Nick looked down at the light scars on the boy's hips and froze at how familiar they looked. At first he thought about the ones on his wrist...but that wasn't it...

"Other than that..." Nick snapped out of his strayed thoughts. "He was in perfect health. I got some scrapings from under his fingernails and sent them over to DNA, and white fibers under his neck and sent those to trace."

"Alright, thanks Doc." Warrick said, and Nick followed him out of the morgue. When they got back to the lab, Warrick noticed Nick was very quiet and seemed upset about something. "You alright man?" he asked as they walked into the breakroom for some coffee.

"Yeah..." Nick said as he sank into a chair. Warrick walked over to the counter and gave Nick a 'I don't believe you for a second' look. Nick sighed. "No."

"Didn't think so." Warrick said, filling 2 cups and bringing them over to the table and taking a seat next to Nick. "What's up bro?"

"It's nothing." Another 'I don't believe you' look. "It's just that the scars on the kid looked familiar and I don't know why it's bugging me..." Then it dawned on Nick where he had seen those scars before. Not on his wrist but...

Warrick noticed the sudden change in Nick demenor. "Where did you see them before?"

Nick shook his head. _No, that can't be it._ "I...I'm just over reacting..."

"Nicky, you don't over react."

Nick took a deep breath. "I had marks just like those after the...babysitter." he said quietly, looking down into his steaming coffee.

Warrick's heart sunk. "Are you...sure?"

Nick looked up and nodded. "Yeah. Well, I mean there could be a million reasons why he has those...maybe he had a cat or something...but they look just like..." Nick's voice broke and he looked back down at his coffee cup.

Warrick put his hand firmly on Nick's shoulders. "It's okay buddy. We're gonna find out what happened to this kid, I promise." Nick just nodded slightly. "Are you sure you wanna do this? You could switch with Greg or-"

"No. I want this case." Nick said softly, but with enough confidence to convince Warrick.

"Alright." Warrick said, tightening his grip on Nick's shoulder.

His beeper went off, and Nick unclipped it from his belt. He looked down and laughed. " 'The Master' has the results for us."

Warrick thought for a second before realizing who Nick meant. "Hodges." he said with a laugh. They walked to the trace lab, and smiled at the tech as they walked in and up to the counter next to Hodges.

"What do you have for us, 'Master?' " Nick said sarcastically.

Hodges rubbed his hands together. "The blue fibers are...50 percent cotton and 50 percent polyester, possibly from any dark blue shirt or other apparel item."

"Well, the father was wearing a dark blue cotton shirt." Nick said, thinking out loud more than anything.

"The fibers Robbins collected were white cotton, my guess is they're from the sock you gave me, which I got epithelials from that are in DNA."

"Good job Hodges." Warrick said, taking the report from the tech.

Hodges bowed slightly. "I do what I can."

The CSIs left the trace lab and went back to Archie. "Hey guys." he said solemnly. "I didn't find anything or anyone else on those tapes."

Nick and Warrick nodded. "Not your fault man." Warrick said.

Nick rubbed the back of his neck and sighed. "Have Brass keep an eye on the parents and wait until DNA comes back?" he said, looking at Warrick, who nodded.

"Yeah." he looked at his watch. "Shift's over in 10 minutes. What do you say we get some rest?"

Nick nodded in agreement. "Sounds good to me."

Both guys collapsed onto the couch as soon as they got back to Nick's. They sat in silence for a few minutes before Warrick spoke. "How ya holding up Nicky?"

Nick was silent for a second and shook his head before he answered. "Pretty good...I just hope to God that kid had a cat."

**Sorry it was a ridiulously long chapter, but I'm not sure of the next time I'll be able to update. I know the case-file's pretty lame and the time-line of everything may seem a little off, but I wanted to do something other than Nick and Warrick at Nick's house the whole time. I'm hoping to finish this story up in a couple more chapters.**


	13. Hitting Bottom

Nick looked over the crime scene photos. The hotel bed was neatly made and nothing was out of order. All the clothes were neatly put in the drawers and the duffle bags were in the closet next to the door. Everything in the bathroom was in order. It was a little weird that a young family with an 11 year old was so neat. Nick turned to the picutre of Alex laying on his back at the foot of the large bed. The only signs of a struggle were on his arms. His clothes were straight,his body wasn't twisted or in an awkward position. Nick rubbed his eyes. Warrick walked in and joined him at the layout table. 

"Hey, Brass is waiting for us, he's got the kid's parents."

Nick looked up. "DNA came back?"

Warrick nodded slowly. "Blood on the carpet was male and had 7 oleils in common with the kid...under the fingernails were female, again 7 oleils in common...and the sock had both Alex's DNA and the same DNA as the blood." he recited it all from memory.

Nick hung his head. "Alright...let's go I guess."

They left CSI and drove to the police station. Nick just stared out at the passing people, cars and lights. His hands were shaking slightly and he was pretty pale. Warrick couldn't believe the case they had pulled Nick's first night back. _What are the odds?_ He glanced over at his best friend a few times before he had to ask and make sure Nick wasn't going to break down.

"Nicky...you sure you can do this?"

Nick didn't look at Warrick. He just closed his eyes and leaned the side of his head against the window. "No...I'm not."

"You don't have to man, I can do it alone."

"But I can't." Nick sighed. "I have to be able to do this...if I can't..."

"Nick, you don't have to do anything. You've done enough already. Making it through everything you have...you're the only person who could handle all of it."

Nick's eyes were still closed and his hands were shaking more violently. He shoved them into the pockets of his faded blue jeans and took a deep breath. He opened his eyes, but looked straight ahead. The rest of the ride to the LVPD was silent. They walked in and the cool air felt good on Nick's face. He followed Warrick to the interrogation room Brass was waiting for them in. The Collins' were sitting across from him with their lawyer and had blank expressions on their faces.

"Hey guys." Brass greeted them when they entered.

"Brass." Warrick nodded at him before turning to the Collins'. Nick didn't say anything. He just sat in the chair next to Brass and looked down at the table. Warrick pulled a chair up next to him as he opened the folder to the pictures of the sock, Alex's wrists and the DNA results.

"What's this?" Mr. Stevens, the Collins' lawyer asked.

"This," Warrick said when Nick didn't even seem to notice there was anyone else in the room, "Are the DNA results from the blood on the carpet, the sock that was used to kill Alex, and scrapings from underneath Alex's fingernails. They came back to a male and female with 7 oleils in common with Alex...Mr and Mrs. Collins, care to explain?"

Surprisingly, Sam Collins was the first to speak. "We had to do it." She blurted out.

Nick looked up at her and stared for a second before asking, "Why in the hell did you have to kill your 11 year old son?"

Bryan Collins jumped in. "He was gonna ruin my job...my life."

Brass shook his head. "How could an 11 year old do that?"

"My boss' wife liked to..." Bryan started, but trailed off, unsure of how to go on.

Sam Collins picked up where her husband left off. "She liked little boys more than most women do. She was close with Alex...then she may have taken it a little too far and he was upset and told us and wanted to go to the police, so we took him to the hotel to try and bribe him out of it, but we couldn't."

"She _may_ have taken it a _little_ too far?" Nick's tone was colder than ice. His hands were shaking beyond anyone's control and he had goose bumps all down his arms. "She molested him, didn't she?"

Bryan shook his head. "That term is so...crude."

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Nick's voice was shaky, but somehow firm at the same time. "He's your **son** for Christ's sake! You're supposed to protect him, not kill him when he tries to do the right thing because you might get fired!"

"You don't understand, we-" Sam started, before Nick cut her off.

"Trust me, I understand all too well."

Bryan turned to his lawyer. "What are our options?"

Stevens looked at Bryan, then his wife. "Are you serious?"

Brass took over from there. "You don't have any, but the DA has a lot to choose from. 25 to life, obstruction of justice, and conspiracy to child molestation...just to name a few. And I'm sure he's gonna go with all of the above."

"I hope you don't luck out and get the death penalty." Nick said before he got up and left the interrogation room as quickly as he could.

* * *

"What's his problem?" Bryan asked. 

Warrick was in disbelief. He couldn't believe these things in front of him were actually people. "He doesn't have a problem. You're the one with the problem. If you can't see that, then you need more help than anyone could ever give you." Warrick said before running after Nick.

* * *

Nick fell to his knees in the bathroom stall just as he threw up everything in his stomach. After a few painful dry heaves and coughing, he got up and went to the sink. He leaned his head down at sucked up some water, spitting it back out after swishing it around in his mouth. He stood up straight and looked at his blurry reflection in the mirror. His head started spinning and he stumbled backwards until his back hit the wall. He slowly slid down until his knees were tight against his chest. He closed his eyes and rested his head on his knees as his sobs took over. Nick's entire body was shaking and felt numb. His heart was beating a million miles an hour and every breath he took stung. He felt like he was burning up and freezing at the same time. He quickly lifted his head to slam it against the wall behind him, but was stopped and gently pulled to the side to rest on something.

* * *

Warrick pulled Nick to him and tried with everything he had to calm him down. He rubbed small circles on his back and held his left hand over Nick's trembling ones. "It's okay Nicky." 

"No it's not." Nick choked out in between sobs. He pulled his head off of Warrick's shoulder and looked him dead in the eye. "That kid's dead because he did the right thing. I didn't and kids got hurt because of me, and I'm still here. How is that okay?"

"What happened to you wasn't fair, and it wasn't your fault. You were so young...there was nothing you could have done."

Nick shook his head and looked away. "No, you're wrong." He pulled his hands away from Warrick's. "I should be dead, not that kid."

Warrick grasped both of Nick's hands in his own and squeezed firmly and craned his neck, forcing Nick to look at him. "Don't ever say that...don't say anything remotely close to that ever again. You got justice for that kid, and countless other victims. There's nobody on this Earth who deserves to live more than you do. I swear to God I'd hurt anyone who's ever done anything to you. I don't care what anyone else thinks or what you think. Everyone should be more like you for the good of all people."

Nick's sobbing stopped, but the tears still fell. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly before closing his eyes. "I can't do this anymore." He knew Warrick understood what he meant.

Warrick shifted so he was kneeling in front of Nick, his hands still firmly squeezing them. "Nicky, look at me." Nick didn't flinch, just sat there as tears steadily fell down his pale cheeks and neck. "Look at me bro." Nick slowly opened his eyes and choked back a sob. "You've come way too far to give up on me now. You can do this, and you're gonna. You don't have a choice. I can't do this without you man, none of us can." Nick started to shake his head, but stopped at Warrick's firm words. "If you go, I go."

Nick opened his mouth to protest, but closed it again when he realized he didn't know what to say. All he could do was shake his head and stare at Warrick.

"I don't know if you've recently looked up the definition of _'brothers'_, but it's something along the lines of 2 guys who'd do anything for each other, who always have each others backs, who do everything together and love each other. I would do absolutly anything to erase what's been done to you. I would die so you wouldn't have to feel once ounce of pain. But it doesn't work that way. We're in everything together, no matter what. Sorry, but you're stuck with me man."

Nick smiled and laughed slightly. They were both quiet for several minutes before Nick spoke softly. "This is it. I have officially hit rock bottom."

"Now the only way to go is up."

Nick nodded slowly. He pushed himself up onto his knees and hugged Warrick like his life depended on it. "Thank you." They were both pretty sure their lives did depend on it...on each other at least.

**I'm sorry for the fact that this is so highly unlikely it's not funny, but something similar happened to someone close to me, and the main point is Nick and Warrick's friendship, not the case. The last chapter will hopefully be u soon. Thanks for the reviews and suggestions.**


	14. Cake and Lemonade

Warrick walked into the locker room after shift and found Nick sitting on the bench, staring at the floor. He walked up and sat down next to him. 

"How are you holding up man?" he asked. They had just closed the Alex Collins case, and it was clear Nick was still shaken up after the whole thing.

"Good I guess. Sorry about that." Nick answered, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Sorry about what?"

"Freaking out like that. I should have been able to handle that better."

Warrick sighed. "You handle it a lot better than anyone else would have. Depsite what Grissom constantly tells us, it's okay to empathize with the victims. You didn't do anything wrong man."

Nick nodded slowly and looked up at Warrick. "I guess you're right." He sighed and asked, "So what do you wanna do after this?"

Warrick shrugged. "Catherine's having a party for the team at her house after shift...so, like now...you wanna go?"

"Yeah, sounds good. There better be food though, I'm starving."

Warrick laughed. "When has there ever not been food at Catherine's house?"

"Good point."

"Alright, let me change quick then we'll go." Warrick opened his locker and changed out of his black button up shirt into a plain dark blue t-shirt. Nick had already changed out of his white long sleeved shirt into a grey one. Warrick locked up his locker and jerked his head in the direction of the door. "Let's go before Greggo eats all the food."

Nick followed Warrick out to the car and hopped into the passenger's seat. Nick's phone started vibrating and he opened it, held it to his ear for a few minutes, then hung up. He was smiling widely and caused Warrick to smile as well, even though he was confused.

"What are you smirking at?" he asked as he pulled out of the parking lot.

Nick laughed. "My nephew left me a voicemail...listen to it." Nick opened his phone again and pushed the call button twice then the speaker button and held it between him and Warrick.

The automated voice said, _"First saved message:"_ before a little boy's excited voice filled the car.

_"Hi uncle Nick. Guess what? I was at school today and my teacher said our journal had to be about our favorite superhero and Tommy did Superman and told me I was stupid for not doing him too but I said he was stupid cuz he failed the math test and it was really easy and he can't even add."_

A voice Warrick recognized as Jen's came into the backround. _"Nicky, tell him about your journal not Tommy."_

_"Oh, yeah."_ Warrick smiled. _"Yeah so I wrote about you and when my teacher asked what kind of superhero you were I said the awesomest kind and my Miss Ryan said that wasn't a word and I said I thought it was so she made me get a dictionary."_

_"Nicky, just read your journal pal."_ A man said, and Warrick guessed it was Jen's husband, Jay.

_"Okay. My favorite superhero is my uncle Nick because he's strong, brave, smart, and buys me things. Whenever he comes to visit or we visit him, he always plays video games with me and teaches me really cool things, like how to make really good paper footballs and awesome forts. We made one once that covered my entire basement and used up every blanket and my mom was jealous."_ Nick smiled as his nephew's message continued_. "I was supposed to visit him a few weeks ago, but he was in the hospital because this really mean guy kidnapped him and buried him alive, but he was too smart and brave and his friends found him and he's gonna go back to being a CSI."_ The boy's voice faded a little as he turned to his parents and said, _"That's when Tommy said 'I thought he was a superhero' and I said 'You thought 11 plus 7 was 8' and Miss Ryan yelled at me."_

_"Finish your journal sweetie."_ Jen said with a laugh.

_"What did I say last? Ummm...oh. Okay. He's the best CSI in the world because he always catches the bad guy and can make invisible things appear like magic. I wanna be a CSI like him when I grow up. My superhero's better than everyone else's, especially Tommy's. The End. I hope you like it uncle Nick, mommy wants you to call her after work. Bye."_

The automated voice followed. _"End of message."_ Nick closed the phone and smiled wider. He laughed and ran his hand through his short hair.

Warrick was smiling almost as wide as Nick. "That kid's got a pretty good point. How old is he?"

"Six." Nick's smile faded. "If I had...and he found out...man, and he thinks I'm so brave..."

"You are." Warrick said as he pulled to a stop at a red light and turned to face Nick. "You have no idea how brave you are."

"Only cowards want to take their own life, and I was too afraid even do that." he said quietly.

"You weren't afraid. You're too brave to kill yourself bro."

"Seriously Warrick...think before you say things man. See if they really make sense."

Warrick smiled and put his hand on Nick's shoulder. "It's like you said before. It would be so easy to just give up, to not have to deal with anything anymore. But that's not what you did. Wanting to and actually doing something are completely different things. You're still here because you're brave enough to face anything else that gets thrown at you."

"And because I didn't want to dissapoint you again." Nick added.

Warrick turned back to the road as the light changed to green. "What do you mean again? You never have, and I'll bet you never will Nicky."

Nick's smiled returned and they rode in a comfortable silence the last few minutes to Catherine's. It was clear by the cars in the driveway that everyone else was already there. They pulled up behind Greg's blue Jetta and got out of the car and made their way up Catherine's walkway to the front door. Warrick knocked twice, and they waited briefly before Catherine's voice came from the other side of the door.

"It's open, come on in." Warrick opened the door and stepped inside, followed by Nick. It was a little too dark in Catherine's foyer for the time of day, and Nick noticed it got darker as they headed for Catherine's dining room.

"Why is it so..." he realized what was going on when he didn't hear any of the other team members talking. "Oh man." he said with a laugh.

Catherine flicked on the lights and everyone yelled together, "Welcome back, Nick!" The entire CSI team, including Brass and Lindsey, were gathered around the dining table. There was a banner behind them that read 'Welcome Back Home!' Nick laughed as he walked over to his team with Warrick.

"You guys never miss an oppurtunity for a party, do you?" He said, a huge smile across his face.

"It was my idea." Lindsey said, running around the table and latching herself to Nick. "Greg tried to eat the cake me and my mom made, but we hid it on him." She said, looking up at Nick.

Warrick turned looked at Greg. "Couldn't even wait for us man?"

Greg shrugged. "It looked really good, and I'm starving."

Lindsey giggled. "He was so mad he couldn't find it."

Greg nodded. "I wasn't gonna eat it, I just really wanted to know where it was." Catherine walked into the kitchen and took the cake out of the fridge, bringing it back out into the dining room. "Are you serious?" Greg said in disbelief.

The rest of the team started laughing. "Not too good of a CSI yet, huh kid?" Brass asked, patting Greg on the back.

"That's so obvious...I thought there was a secret hide-the-cake-from-Greg spot or something. I highly doubted you'd hide it somewhere I'd actually think of looking."

Grissom felt this was a perfect time for a good quote. "Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt."

"Shakespeare." Nick and Warrick said in unison as the rest of the team laughed.

"Let's go out onto the deck, it's a beautiful day outside, and seeing as how Greg, Lindsey and Grissom had an egg fight, there's nothing left to cook."

Grissom, Greg and Lindsey all looked at each other and smirked. "They started it." Grissom said, pointing at Lindsey and Greg.

"Sure Gil." Brass said as he lead the others out onto the deck. They all took seats around the large glass table under the big navy blue umbrella. It really was a beautiful day out. The clear blue sky had only a few stray clouds, and the sun was shining brightly. There was a cool breeze and it was a perfect 78 degrees.

"Great job on that case guys." Grissom said as he and Sara poured glasses of lemonade for everyone.

"Yeah, you did a good job. Greg and I's B&E is still without a suspect." Sara added.

"Well maybe if you didn't lose our warrant by yelling at the husband's ex girlfriend, we might have one."

"She deserved it." Sara said as she passed out the drinks to everyone.

"Cake and lemonade...I know I'm from Texas, but that's a little weird." Nick said, getting a slight punch from Sara.

"Then you don't get cake." Catherine said as she started cutting the chocolate frosted cake and passing out pieces to everyone.

"Can I have his?" Greg asked excitedly.

"No Greg." Lindsey said. She gave her piece to Nick and took another one from her mother.

"Thanks Linds." Nick said, glaring at Catherine jokingly.

"Cake and lemonade actually isn't too bad." Warrick said.

"I'd have to agree with you on that one 'Rick." Brass said, nodding.

"What do bugs like to drink with their cake?" Sara asked Grissom, causing everyone to burst out in laughter. They finished their cake and engaged in their normal conversation, talking about almost everything other than work. After her third piece of cake, Lindsey got up and ran into the house.

"Where's she going?" Nick asked Catherine, who shrugged.

"Who knows. Maybe she hid another cake from Greg she just rememberded." Lindsey came back outside, carrying Catherine's digital camera.

"I have to take a new picture of all of you guys. It's the rule."

"What rule?" Grissom asked.

"The one I just made up. Now go stand over there." Lindsey instructed, pointing to the side of the deck next to the stairs. The team obeyed, rising from their seats and gathering in front of the railing neatly. Lindsey smiled and she stood in front of them, aiming the camera carefully. "Perfect. Now say 'We love cake and lemonade.' "

They all laughed as Lindsey took the picture. Grissom stood in between Sara and Brass, and next to them Catherine and Warrick were on either side of Nick, with Greg next to Catherine. Warrick's arm was around Nick's shoulders and they were all smiling widely.

"Thanks Lindsey." Catherine said. Her and Grissom started bringing the cups and plates inside with the help of Brass, and Greg had challenged Sara and Lindsey to a swinging competition, leaving Nick and Warrick alone on the deck, leaning on the edge of the railing and watching Lindsey swing much higher than Greg.

"I'm so glad I came back." Nick said, still watching Greg whine about losing to Lindsey.

Warrick turned to his best friend. "I knew you would when you were ready."

"I was only ready because of you. I never would have been able to do this without you bro...thanks, for everything." Nick said, looking over at Warrick.

"You don't have to thank me man. I would do it all again in a heartbeat."

Nick smiled. He looked out at all the houses surrouding Catherine's and seemed lost in thought for a few minutes before he spoke. "Do you believe everything happens for a reason?" He said, eyes still scanning the horizon.

Warrick shook his head. "No, I don't. I really can't see a reason for most of the things that happen. But that's just life."

Nick nodded, and turned back to Warrick. "I could never find a reason for anything that has ever happened to me, but I thought it was just me. I couldn't even find a reason for us being friends, as bad as it sounds."

Warrick shrugged. "We don't need a reason, cuz we're not friends. We're brothers, and that's more than enough."

Nick smiled wider, and they went back to watching Lindsey, Greg and Sara in the yard. Everything was slowly getting back to normal, although it never would be completely perect ever again. And that was okay, because all that mattered was Nick and Warrick were both okay, and they had each other. No matter what.

**THE END**


End file.
